Bad Grief

I read this post about grieving the other day and I kept coming back to it over and over again, and thinking about it even more. Not because I’m a morbid fanatic, but because everything she’s going through, sadly I am, too. And, like Joanna, the bloggers I read really don’t talk about grief either.

On October 2nd, 2014 my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 3 Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma, or DLBCL. He was only able to have 2 treatments of chemo before his body couldn’t take it any more. He also had a lot of other medical concerns that diminished his well-being. And without the chemo the doctors said there was no chance for survival.

When my sister called to tell me he was headed to the emergency room because his kidneys were failing , my family & I made plans to come out to California (I live in NC) to visit. Both of my parents have planned to not have a funeral or service so this would be my last chance to be with him.

I flew out Monday afternoon and spent a few hours with him at the hospital after my flight landed. He was getting ready to be transferred to a skilled nursing facility that evening, to help him recuperate and get strong enough to be at home. I had plans with my sister to go out and see him on Thursday.

On Tuesday night, January 27th, 2015, he died. Though not out of the blue logically speaking, emotionally speaking it was way too soon.

I am so incredibly thankful that I was able to spend those few hours with him. If I had hesitated at all or listened to someone who was too emotionally involved in the matter I might not have made it in time.

He’ll be buried in the National Cemetery, he was in the Navy, and as it turns out there will be a brief, immediate family only service. Just my mom, sister, nephew, and my husband & kids.

Dealing with flights has been somewhat problematic. Southwest has no bereavement fares or considerations – like if you need to cancel you’re out of luck, and if you need to change something you need to foot the bill. But, Delta – the airline my daughter booked her ticket through, which did need to be changed and eventually cancelled did have a bereavement policy and as long as we submitted proof we could cancel the tickets with no penalties. Which is kind of harsh for someone who is in this maelstrom of grief.

The rest of my family will be flying out next week for the service.

I’ve done a lot of nothing special over the past few days. It’s been almost normal except that I’m staying at my sister’s and there’s this cloud of funk following us everywhere. We’ve watched a lot of TV. I’ve worked, which would seem odd to me if I was on the outside looking in, but it has definitely given my mind a positive & productive place to go to. My sister has gone to work, too, though she has been threatened with great bodily harm if she is to think about doing that again. Sometimes having co-workers and a boss (other than yourself) can be kinda awesome.

I’ve also started exercising with my sister for a few reasons:

I’ve known for some time now that I needed to start exercising
I don’t want to incur those other medical concerns that my Dad had
It helps fill the time
And, my sister’s doing it & I just try to keep up with her (she also has me juicing and drinking detox tea, though I think we may ease up on that some considering the quantity of toilet paper I’ve gone through – just saying.)

I’m thankful to be around family during this time, if I was alone being susceptible to depression, I know I would be much, much worse. And, thank goodness for mobile phones and texts and everything these modern times have given us.

I love you Dad.

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