I Heart NY

“If you want to to be an artist, and you want to do and live off your art, then you have to take a stab at it, and paint in the best city in the world, which is New York as far as I’m concerned.”

Graffiti stencil artist Nick Walker, the man who inspired Banksy, responsible for the art behind me, wrote that for himself, I’m sure, but I took that and applied it to me and my writing.

***

I’m over it now, so I can talk about it. MTA made me cry—and almost quit New York.

Train troubles, especially when the green line (4/5/6) is responsible for transporting more people than the Chicago, Boston, and Los Angeles systems combined, happen literally everyday, B.

And it’s fine. Annoying but whatever, I’ll read what I have tucked away in my bag. Or write. I’ve written a couple posts on the way to and from somewhere.

When I can get on, I do some of my best thinking on the 6.

But this about that one time I couldn’t.

Something happened, signal malfunction, I can’t really remember. But I do know that it took me, an entire hour to get on a train I literally never wait more than 5 minutes for after leaving work.

I had a hard day, I felt, well, I won’t give life to those feelings but I knew I didn’t come to New York to feel like that. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I just wanted to go home and get in the bed.

5 trains passed without people getting on or off.

I texted my mom. “New York is wearing on me. I think I want to come home for a bit.”

Another 5 trains pass. Same deal.

“You okay?” she responded.

I wasn’t and she knew it. Rarely do I choose to leave New York for Harrisburg.

It’ll be another 10 minutes before I can get on the train but once I do, I get off at 86th Street, a stop earlier than mine, but it was nice outside and I rather walk the 10 blocks than ride squished like I’m in a clown car for, even, two more minutes.

I call my mom. She lets me go on and on about how I’m nervous about renewing my lease, things with both jobs, and feeling like New York hates me.

I was being childish as f*ck.

You hate me New York? Fine. I hate you, too. And I’m leaving.

“You know, Channing… This is what you signed up for. This is what you wanted. This is nothing but the devil and you just need to learn to spot that coming instead of getting upset. Go home, paint your nails, eat those things you like (Flamin’ Hots, I quit though, so I’m not allowed to have any)…”

She trailed off, but I knew what she was getting out. Man the eff up. And pray. She’s just too ladylike to say it.

Wearing: H&M Muppet Coat// Elizabeth & James Silk Blouse// Vince Cropped Sweater// Zara Suede and Leather Leggings//BCBGeneration Booties// Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Clutch// Betsey Johnson Chain// YSL Le Orange Lipstick

Things are looking up. I cried on Wednesday and by Friday, God fixed so many things. Or at least showed me he heard me. Whimpering in the dark.

You almost got me New York. I had a moment of weakness.

You can treat me as bad as you want.

I’m not going anywhere.

I still heart NY—sometimes.

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