The Bachelorette Recap {Kaitlyn Bristowe – Episode 7}
As you might remember, we left off last week with Shawn completely losing it and confiding in someone behind the scenes. Apparently Kaitlyn had spent a night in his room with him (WHEN IS ALL THIS HAPPENING?) and had assured him that he was THE ONE. WHO this person that Shawn was confiding in isn’t certain, but I heard that each person has their own “handler,” so maybe that’s it.
And also, maybe people should be prepared for drama when they go on a show that assigns them their very own person whose entire job is to keep them from losing their ever-loving mind.
Keep it together, Ryan Gosling. Kaitlyn is no Allie.
So after losing his cool, Shawn surprises Kaitlyn in her hotel room. It’s obvious that she wasn’t expecting him because her hair is a mess and her mouth is overflowing with food. Which confirms what I’ve always suspected — no one eats on these “dates” that apparently last for 12 hours.
Haven’t you ever wondered? Where is the dang food??
Gosling confronts Kaitlyn flat out and asks her if she loves him. Suddenly Miss Rap Star is all goo goo ga ga, talking in her widdle baby voice. Eyes downcast, she tells him that she is “falling in love” with him and whispers to stop “putting her on the spot.”
I think it’s abundantly clear that she’s been acting out of turn when the cameras aren’t around.
Shawn tells Kaitlyn that he’s struggling with her dating the other guys and was upset that the date rose went to someone else.
NOAH. You renovated and ENTIRE HOUSE for Allie. Come on dude, channel your inner Gosling and pull yourself together.
After he leaves her room, Kaitlyn sobs, overcome with guilt because he doesn’t know she’s been intimate with Nick. He’ll know soon enough, girlfriend. Don’t you worry about that.
The next day is the two-on-one date with JJ and Joe. If you ask me, it’s all a waste of time. It’s going to come down to Shawn and Nick and we all know it — everything else is just filler.
So we watch Kaitlyn head out with JJ and Joe and pretend like she’s actually considering one of them as a husband.
They take a boat ride around Ireland, they sit and gaze out on the water, and Joe tells Kaitlyn that he’s falling in love with her.
Wait. WHAT.
Joe? Have I missed something between the two of them? Has she been visiting his room off the clock, too? What is even happening?
JJ drops a bombshell when he reveals to Kaitlyn that his marriage broke up because he cheated on his wife. Which should only make me hate him more, but I find myself feeling a little bit sorry for him. But still disgusted. Because he’s kind of a slimeball.
So the date comes down to who will get sent home — the passionate southern gentlemen who revealed that he’s in love with her, or the pompous bully who cheated on his wife?
Crying, she sends JJ home and gives Joe a “maybe,” asking for more time on the date with him before she can give him the date rose.
I kind of lost a little respect for Joe watching him snuggle with Kaitlyn for the remainder of their date. You told her you were falling in LOVE with her, bro. And she can’t even commit to handing you a rose. Find another girl to ride your tractor. They’ll be lining up after this, believe me.
Joe eventually ends up with the date rose and comes back beaming, which sets Shawn off yet again.
Look Shawn, I get it. You need a girl who can fully commit. Let me be that for you. I mean, I have a husband, but at least I’m only with ONE other guy, versus 12.
After this latest blow to his ego, Shawn heads to Kaitlyn’s hotel room. AGAIN. Apparently this is his new thing. A dude gets a rose, he shows up in her room, demanding an explanation.
Kaitlyn is terrified that he knows she slept with Nick and she’s sobbing before they even start talking. Oh Kaitlyn, I’m sorry you’re so stressed out. Flying in helicopters and dating sexy men and drinking free cocktails must be incredibly difficult.
Shawn tells Kaitlyn that when they talked “off camera” in Texas, she told him that she said she thought he was “the one,” and it made things for him difficult. Blah blah blah, more whispering, more reassurance, more kissing. At this point, it’s old hat.
The next day it’s time for the cocktail party/rose ceremony. How are we even having a rose ceremony in the middle of an episode? You’re losing your touch, Chris Harrison. Stop writing romance novels and whip these people into shape.
Kaitlyn shows up to the cocktail party so nervous that she’s shaking. Of course the men are totally confused as to what the drama is about…while Nick knows that he slept with Kaitlyn and Shawn knows that he’s been visiting Kaitlyn in private.
ALL. THE. SECRETS.
Peter Brady has some alone time with Kaitlyn and basically asks her if he really has a chance or if Shawn has it in the bag. Well listen Ben H, no disrespect meant, but he’s Gosling and you’re Peter Brady. Just go ahead and pack your bags. You’re a nice guy, there’s someone for you out there.
Kaitlyn and Nick spend some alone time together and she takes the opportunity to ask him not to mention their little late night Monopoly marathon. Better late than never, I guess? Suddenly insecure, Nick starts crying, remembering how things went down on Andi’s season. Kaitlyn falls for it hook, line, and sinker, and they are making out within seconds.
Kaitlyn and Shawn converse privately while I sit and snore. All the talking about that conversation in Texas. I get it, Gosling, I get it. But in Kaitlyn’s defense, those producers ply you guys with a LOT of alcohol and you’re cute.
Finally it’s time for the rose ceremony. FOR THE LOVE. We’re only 2/3 of the way through the episode for Pete’s sake.
Roses go to:
Ben H.
Chris
Shawn
Ben Z and Tanner go home. Oh Ben Z, you were such a cutie pie.
The next day the group piles up in a bus to go to Kilarny. Except for Jared, who gets to ride with Kaitlyn while Shawn’s head explodes.
Kaitlyn and Jared enjoy some time alone together, kissing a Blarney Stone and chilling at a castle. I honestly really like Jared, aside from the unfortunate patchy beard. I kinda just want to grab a sharpie and be given free reign to fill in his face.
Jared leaves and Kaitlyn is hardly even settled from her road trip when Chris Harrison shows up in her room. And what follows next is truly something else — they are changing the order of the hometown and fantasy suite dates. Basically because she spent secret off-camera time with Shawn and Nick, they feel that they need to level the playing field by giving ALL the men off camera time. So before meeting any families, she’s getting the chance to try the milk for free.
Good grief. When Chris shows up on your date and tells you that for the first time in history, they are giving you your Fantasy Suite dates EARLY, you kind of have to wonder how you should take that.
Personally. I’d take it personally.
The next day Kaitlyn has a date with Chris (cupcake). They head out in a helicopter and land at the edge of a gorgeous cliff overlooking the ocean. They sit and have a picnic and talk about what their future would be like if they stayed together. For reasons I can’t understand, their conversation feels awkward and stilted. And suddenly…Kaitlyn is sobbing.
While poor Chris comforts her, she tells him that there is “something wrong” with her and that while he meets all of her “checklist” items, she is just not feeling it. Crying, she walks away and leaves him standing alone on the cliff. Imagine last year’s badlands, but only more awkward as the poor dentist watches her take off in the helicopter alone.
Sobbing, Chris gets dangerously close to the cliff. Thankfully he wore a man scarf, which he uses to sop up his tears. Oh Chris…he’s convinced that Kaitlyn doesn’t want him because she’s “scared” and I just want to scream, “IT’S NOT YOU!! NICK PLAYED “MONOPOLY” WITH HER ALL NIGHT AND NOW SHE’S BLINDED!!”
Next week looks dramatic. Kaitlyn appears to come clean with Shawn. But who really knows.
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