CORNER POLITICS · Jan 29, 2021


There were no words exchanged, just a smile to let me know that she saw me. She was engaged in conversation while I was trying to find the quickest way out of this affair. The sea of women dressed in sorority garb was endless! I felt like I was going to drown, holding the Costco size diaper box in my arms. Just as Kamiyah started to walk my way, Devin rescued me.

“Bruh! I wish you would have called! You know you could have come in the back way! No need for us to be caught up in all this feminine folly”

“I know that now. I didn’t know that she was gonna . . .”

“Chance, put that box down and follow me”

Devin kicked my gift to the corner and ushered me into his cavern. I was scared to close the door as I could barely see the steps in front of me.

“Brother preacher what is this? The Batcave?”

“I had to do it like this so that Jessica wouldn’t bother me”

“Shit, I’m having a hard time walking down my damn self! When’s the baby due again?”

“The doctor says my little princess should arrive right after Valentine’s Day. But enough of the chit chat, let’s get to the real. Why isn’t Inez here with you? You know we want to meet her”

I didn’t know how to start. I just nodded, hoping my cousin would leave it alone. And for a minute, I thought that was the case as he proceeded to the bar and poured us a glass of his precious peach moonshine. When he got back to his seat, he wasted no time following up his earlier question.

“Alright Chance, what gives? You’ve been talking about Inez for several months. You’ve been sending me and Jess pics of the two of you on dates. Most of the time we talk, you won’t shut up about how wonderful she is! So what’s going on? You scared to bring her around your family?”

I sipped slow trying to figure out the words. All that I could manage was,

“I’m starting to have second thoughts, like maybe she’s not the one for me after all?”

Devin put his drink down and stared at me.

“Chance, if you feel that God said Inez is your wife, why are you having second thoughts? Outside of her overthinking some shit, which most women do, why wouldn’t you put all of your energy into her? You scared Serena gonna divorce with her rich husband and you’ll miss your shot?”

I took another sip before continuing the conversation.

“It’s not that. What if all of this is an act to get me to be faithful?”

“And being faithful to one woman is a problem? Bruh, what’s really going on? Just last week, you were asking me about the possibility of marrying you two”

“Well . . .”

“You said that she was your muse, inspiring you to write old fashioned love songs again. Now all of a sudden, you’re unsure?”

“I’ve just been reviewing my dating history. Plus, Kamiyah says I tend to fall into monogamous relationships way too fast”

Devin removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He shook his head in disbelief.

“Chance I’ve known you all your life. Here me when I say that there has never been a time where you have rushed into any relationship!”

“You sure?”

“Chance! If anything, you’re slow as hell when it comes to commitment! Do I need to go down the list of women that probably hate your ass because you never married them?”

“Women hate me? I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Well, there was Demetra, Twanisha, Karen, Saretha, Dani, DeWanna, Vikki, then Wanda . . .”

“I guess you’re gonna say there were about three Kims too, huh?”

“But you get my drift right? You had them all on a string, test driving them, seeing if they were gonna meet your standards. You would love’em down for over a year and still leave them in limbo”

“Devin, you make me sound like a soul snatcher or something. Like I’m just wasting their time”

“In hindsight fam, you were”

“Damn Devin! I thought we were family?”

“We are, but the truth is the truth”

“But I told all of them I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was honest”

“I understand, but most of your cut buddies wanted to make you their husbands. You have good attributes and probably treated them well. It took you some time to figure things out”

“A long time”

“Now, what I don’t understand is why you’re holding on to what Kamiyah said about you?”

I looked toward the ceiling as I wrestled with my words again.

“I, I, hold Kamiyah in high regard”

“I understand. She’s been your publicist for the past four years”

“Nah, I mean, I think I might love her, too?”

Devin sat up from his recliner and turned off the game. He clapped his hands and the lights came back on. The man cave was no longer relaxed, a code of which I was definitely violating at this moment.

“Wait a minute! Brother, you gotta help me process this one!”

“I’ll try”

“You were trying to get with Kamiyah? Like leisbian homie, beat you down if you compliment her ass, Kamiyah?”

“Yep, one in the same”

“So I assume she rejected you since she didn’t make the countdown, or did she?”

“Nah, she didn’t want me after that night”

Drew got up and poured himself another glass. Instead of returning to his seat, he sat at the bar, trying to make sense out of what I just said. Then the Devin I knew from high school emerged.

“Nigga, you fucked Kamiyah? I mean, how did you pull that off? I could have sworn that she was into women?”

“I thought so too, but our meetings were turning into three, four hour conversations on her couch talking about our dating lives. She started listing all of the things that she wanted in a man. I told her all the things I was looking for in a woman”


“Everytime that we got together, there was more touching. The handshakes were replaced with hugs. Then the hugs got deeper where I could feel her breasts all in my chest. The last time I was over her house, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and touched her ass”

“And she didn’t punch you out?”

“Nah. So seeing that she didn’t, I thought she was feeling a brother. I called her up one night to come to my place. We watched some show, but before we could even finish, she was rubbing on your boy”

“Green light!”

“Exactly! So we started going at it right there. She blessed me with the biggest nipples I’ve ever seen”

“So you knocked it out? Tell me you knocked it out fam?”

“I wish I could say that I did. Unfortunately, her sex game was not all that”

“Say what?”

“Yea man. The sad thing was that she was really unsure of herself. Instead of saying that, she asked a question about every damn thing! How is this? Is it okay? Am I doing it right? Should I put my hand here? Can I touch you there?”

“Oh no!”

“Man, I wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, but I was afraid of ruining the moment. I turned her over and I started to go down on her. After about two minutes, she basically said that my tongue game was trash”

My cousin erupted in laughter.

“No the hell she didn’t?!”

“She didn’t say that verbatim, but she told me to get on top of her. At the moment, I didn’t really want to, but I wanted to salvage the night. So I started to do my thing and she continued with her endless questions and commands”

“Commands and questions? Man”

“Bruh, she was trying to control everything! She was telling me where to put my hands, how to give her the strokes. I couldn’t even enjoy it”

“If it was like that, why didn’t she take control and ride?”

“I asked her the same thing and she confessed that she never learned how”

“I thought every woman knew how to ride?”

“Kamiyah’s excuse was that the men that she encountered only wanted to get on top or hit her from behind”


“So I’m not noticing that I’m starting to go limp until I suggest to take it from the side. When I pulled out, there was no condom on”

“Ahhhhh man! You left it in her?”

“That I did, but I did offer to get it out”

“Bruh! So did you all try it again?”

I raised my eyebrow and didn’t say a word.


“Devin, I tried to erase the memory from my mind. I could see why her relationships were crashing and burning. Her sex game is wack. She refuses to give head and she doesn’t know how to ride”

“That’s a bad combination, but now I understand why she’s giving you that wack ass advice. She still wants you”

“How could she still want me when she tells me about the dudes that she fucks?”

“Bruh, you already saw for yourself. She doesn’t have the skills which means that she hasn’t been practicing, which means. . .”

“She’s been lying the entire time?”

“Yep, now you’re getting it!”

“But why would she go around the world when she could have just been upfront? I would have loved to date her and possibly teach her but now?”

“Now you’re invested in Inez, and she sees that. This is serious and now she’s probably gonna do everything in her power to stop it”

I shook my head as I started to replay Kamiyah’s actions over the past three weeks in my head. Whenever I brought up Inez, she would change the subject. She made a point to send me a good morning message every day when in the past she would go days without even acknowledging me.

“I hear you. So what do I do to keep her from interfering in my relationship?”

“Chance, it’s really very simple; fire her”

Written by the Wednesday Gentleman

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