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davewillis.org · Feb 7, 2014

4 things husbands don’t tell their wives.

As you’ve probably already figured out, when God designed men and women, he made us different.

I’m going to give you ladies a rare peek into the mind of a dude. Granted, we’re all unique, and I’m not trying to make broad generalizations that all men and all women fall into specific little categories, but as I’ve talked with men from all over the world, I’ve discovered that these principles seem to consistently hold true.

If you’re a woman reading this, I hope these insights will give you a deeper understanding for your husband and your marriage. If you’re a man reading this, be aware of these potential weak spots in your communication and strive to share these and all issues openly and honestly with your wife.

Photo courtesy of ShutterStock.com.

These are four messages many men struggle to clearly communicate to their wives:

1. We’re afraid to tell you when we’re afraid.

Many of us were raised that any form of fear for a man was a sign of weakness. Rambo never got scared. Dirty Harry never got scared. We’re not supposed to get scared. Of course, those are fictional characters and real men face real emotions (including fear), but we’re usually very bad at communicating it because one of our greatest fears is that you would see us as weak.

2. We often feel like we don’t measure up.

Most of us are grew up with dreams of growing up to be an astronaut or professional athlete, but most of those dreams didn’t materialize. I struggle just to make the roster of our church’s softball team! Many of us are carrying around wounds of deep-seeded failure from our past and our present and we don’t know how to communicate about them so we try to hide them instead. These insecurities can often drive us to overcompensate by throwing ourselves into our careers to find achievement and “success.”

3. We think about sex even more than you think we do.

Many of the times our minds are wandering and we seem distant, we’re thinking about sex. We wish we could free up that mental energy for more productive things, because we could probably cure cancer with the amount of mental energy that our sex drive consumes. We tend to value the sexual aspect of our relationship so much that for right or wrong, we’ll often measure the overall health of our marriage on the frequency of what’s happening in the bedroom.

4. You’re our best friend.

You probably have a bunch of girlfriends that you confide in, but even though we’ve got “buddies” to share our hobbies and sports conversations, it’s rare that we have a true friend who really knows our hearts. We lean on you more than you realize for companionship and true friendship.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any insight into the issues that wives struggle to communicate to their husbands, but I’m hoping I can talk my amazing wife, Ashley, into writing that one! The bottom line for both men and women, is to work together to make communication (about these and all other issues) a priority in your marriage. Transparency and honesty always lead to intimacy.

For more tools for building a rock-solid marriage, please watch our free video series The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage and check out our bestselling book, iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage which is now also available for download on iPhones and iPads.

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