The Bachelorette Season 11 Is Actually Showing Us Real World Dating

Since joining “Bachelor Nation” several seasons ago watching Ali as the Bachelorette, this is my favorite season thus far. We are already seeing the guys crash and burn in so many ways! Because the truth is, in real life men don’t quietly walk away after not being given a rose. All people can be selfish, narcissistic, hypocritical, controlling, and dishonest. I’ve dated my fair share of men/boys with those traits, and now we’re seeing Kaitlyn do that too.

KUPAH

I understand where he was coming from, being afraid that he was a token black guy, but… I don’t want to say that his fear was unfounded, since fear is an emotion that’s hard to control, but I think he was premature. If he was actually interested in Kaitlyn, and concerned that they didn’t have a connection, he should have tried to make one! The way to see if you have a connection is to try to find common ground, not berate someone for not liking you enough. That in itself was a red flag.

Dude was lucky to have gotten through the first rose ceremony, selected by a woman he didn’t initially want to keep around. Then he went on a date and ignored her. And then when she called him out on ignoring her, he pretty much lied through his teeth saying he wasn’t having fun when the video footage made it clear that he was. {Side note: Kupah was also recorded saying that it was his first time boxing. I don’t believe that. I’ve been kickboxing for a couple of years, and the breathing noises he made along with the precise movements only come with practice. Liar!} As someone who watched the show that insulted my intelligence, so I can’t imagine how Kaitlyn felt at the person who was actually ignored. And then when she was like, this isn’t working, he tried to argue with her, and again insulted her intelligence by saying, ‘but you’re pretty’. He clearly just didn’t want to be rejected, after he had already rejected her twice.

TONY

Ohhhhh, Tony. At first Tony was fascinating and entertaining. I actually cheered (and fist-pumped) when Kaitlyn gave him the final rose. The combination of his sincerity and lack of self-awareness was delicious. I mean, dude was genuinely upset about being away from his bonsai tree! You can’t make this stuff up. But it became hard to watch him implode. It was hard because I have personal experience with a similar personality. Somebody who was really sensitive and could say really thoughtful things, but would fly off the handle at perceived slights or injustices; keyword “perceived”. How hypocritical for him to get so violently angry about wanting peace – or what it was really about – not getting his way. They say that ‘those who can’t do, teach’, and while I generally disapprove of that phrase, it may apply to Tony. He claims to be a healer, but he clearly has lots of unresolved issues – I’m going to guess control issues and narcissism. And his walking away from Kaitlyn as she was speaking to him? So rude!

CLINT

This show is about the BACHELORETTE. You’re on this show to chase her. Even if you did think she might chase you, you can’t be sure that the other men aren’t eclipsing you while you’re waiting for her. The fact that he is no longer interested in her after she won’t chase him is really telling. As well as insulting and disappointing. I love that she called him out on it! Kaitlyn clearly doesn’t take BS.

The one thing all of these guys have in common is that they wanted this experience to be about them. Instead of pursuing Kaitlyn, they wanted her to prove herself to them. But, newsflash: this show ain’t about that, and neither is Kaitlyn. Perhaps not surprisingly, these men all voted for Britt. I wonder if they’re just being sore losers, or if they would have turned on her as well.

Other things

• That was nice of Chris Harrison to give Kaitlyn a break and pick Chris Z. for her date after all that drama with Kupah and Tony (and Clint’s cold shoulder).
• Kaitlyn is scared of birds! Did not know! But she has bird tattoos?
• I have to wonder if we’ll have an episode without black eyes. Tony had a black eye in the first (couple of?) episodes. Two guys (Justin & Jared) had residual black eyes from the boxing. I wondering if anyone will end up with a shiner from the sumo wrestling.
• I’m (naively) surprised that Chris and Whitney already broke up, but I’m super into Ben Z. and Kaitlyn together. I already want them to get married or move in together or whatever.

Part of why I love this season so much is that I’m actually getting drawn in. Historically, the Bachelor/ette is a show that I keep on in the background while I do other things. This episode, my jaw was agape during the Tony implosion, I was holding my breath during the date with Ben Z., and I was doubled over with laughter during the sex ed date.

Parting question: does Kaitlyn get a financial bonus every time she says “I think my husband is in the room”?