Someday He Won't Miss Me

Lately Hudson has been waking up in the middle of the night crying for mommy. We think it has something to do with me being gone for a few days last weekend. He's not waking up scared, or wet, or anything....and we've finally figured out what it is: He' misses mommy.
Cue the tears. And the mommy guilt.
Yesterday morning I was throwing a pity party for myself. I was holding my sweet boy as he drank his morning smoothie and watched cartoons before school... and I was just feeling worn out and tired. My husband asked me what was wrong and I told him how tired I was. How I didn't sleep the night before because I was up again with Hudson. Without missing a beat my husband said
"Someday he won't miss you."

And it was like a total slap in the face. He was right. Someday my sweet boy won't miss me. He won't cry for me. He won't need me to snuggle him in the middle of the night. And my heart just broke right then and there.

I've been up with this sweet boy more nights than I can count in his two and a half years. But was that wasted time?

No.

Someday when I'm old and gray, maybe then I'll sleep. Or maybe I'll still wake up in the middle of the night and long for the days where I got to snuggle my two year old boy. I don't think I'll look back on these days and remember how tired I was. I think I'll look back and remember how good I had it. How, just for a while, he was all mine.

Being a mom is learning to balance the joy of watching your child grow up with the heartache of knowing each step they take takes them further away from you.

My heart is expanding and breaking at the same time.
So tonight if I'm up again, I'm going to find joy in each moment. Because my sweet baby won't be a baby forever.