dating & relationships: there’s only plan A.

When I first started writing this post, I tried to find a way to apply it to all areas of life. But, it just wasn’t coming together. It was messy, and I was having trouble getting my point across. So I slept on it, and the next day I realized that it should be focused specifically on dating/relationships. Writing about dating makes me all sorts of nervous and weird, which is totally not like me, so that makes me think that I am supposed to share it all the more.

In most areas of life, I’ve pretty much always been a “have a plan B” (and sometimes plan C) sort of person. You know – in case something (or someone) didn’t turn out the way I hoped – I had something to fall back on.

Over the past few months, though, that’s something that God has really been challenging me on. I heard a message from Todd White where he said over a dozen times how Jesus is plan A, and there is no plan B. That struck a serious chord within me and *my* relationship with Jesus. After a few days of meditating on that, I began to think about how it applied to other areas of my life as well.

What I realized is that I had that mentality pretty dug in deep when it came to dating specifically. And, looking around at my peers and society today, I think it’s safe to say that that’s a mentality that mostly everyone has.

It’s only natural, when you think about it. Whether it’s because someone just wants to have a bunch options to have fun, or to combat the fear of rejection, this day in age (dating apps – HELLO) makes it easier than ever to have as many plan B’s as you could possibly want.

There’s the plan B that is ridiculously good looking, but it kinda sorta stops there.
…the plan B that you’re head over heels for, but it isn’t reciprocated (or vice versa).
…the plan B who is everything on paper you could ever want, but the chemistry is lacking.
…the plan B who gives you just enough to stick around, yet you know deep down it’s not enough.

I apologize for how ridiculously harsh it seems to define human beings as just “plan B’s,” but I think you know where I was trying to go with that. Plan B’s aren’t necessarily specific people – they’re types of relationships that you know deep down are not right for you, but you keep them around anyway.

For such a long time I thought, well – where’s the harm in having plan B relationship? It’s just to hold me over and keep me distracted until plan A comes along, right? And you never know – plan B could always turn out to be plan A!

I get that – I totally do. And for a lot of people, that might work. But in my own life, especially as of late, I feel pretty strongly that it doesn’t exactly work that way.

Because here’s the thing I’m learning about having a plan B. Yes – it does a great job of distracting you until plan A comes along, but to what extent? Is it so distracting that you’re actually putting off finding your plan A even longer without realizing it?

For me (truth serum) that has looked a lot like waiting and hoping and praying that a plan B relationship would suddenly turn into a plan A. It has been changing things about myself to be more appealing to the wrong guys, when I should have been focusing on becoming the woman that my future husband will eventually find and think – there she is.

At first it’s scary to kick the plan B’s and C’s. They’re usually still pretty decent options. But please remember that your hopes and desires for that plan A relationship – even if you haven’t found it yet – is there for a reason.

Our hopes and dreams and desires are there for a reason. Don’t settle for the second rate version. I challenge you to not even pay plan B any mind and just keep your focus on plan A.

It’s not “eye on getting attention,” or “eye on something is better than nothing.” It’s eye on the prize. Eye on YOUR guy. Eye on YOUR girl.

This isn’t about being entitled, it’s about being hopeful. It’s about having faith. It’s about knowing your value, and believing in what you deserve.

I think it’s important to note that it’s also about respecting the other person! I have admittedly been some guys’ plan B (and maybe even a plan D or E at one point…that’s New York, for ya :P), and it obviously sucks. So why would I ever want to do that to someone else?

Sometimes plan A might take a little longer, and it might be more difficult to achieve, but you know (you KNOW) it’s so much more worth it in the end.

I may not be an expert, but I know this much about successful relationships – they only work if you’re both each other’s plan A.

So for me…that’s what I’m holding out for. No more backup plan. There’s only plan A. And that’s actually pretty freeing.

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Can you relate? Have you found dating these days becoming more difficult because everyone has so many alternatives?

Gracie Gordon

dating & relationships: there’s only plan A.