Letting Go
Photo by Max Wanger
The other week I made reference to how some of my sweetest and most intimate times with God seem to happen when I'm on a airplane. It could be the lack of internet phone that causes less room for distractions, or maybe it's just the welcome silence of closing my eyes in order to block out the stranger sitting unnaturally close to me, but either way, I love those times. And on my last airplane journey, I had one of my sweetest moments yet. I had been having an emotional week and was battling through a few things so this trip came at a good time. God often speaks to me through visions of physical interactions so it wasn't abnormal that I felt Him start to play out a scene in my brain. I know the inspiration partially came from bits and pieces of conversations with friends I had recently, but the rest I knew God was creating and graciously gifting to me Himself. Before long I had whipped out my laptop because I knew I wanted to remember the distinct visuals, descriptions, and meditation He was walking me through. Typing furiously and beaming from ear to ear, I no longer noticed I was wedged between two sleeping men in the very back row of the airplane - I felt I was on Holy Ground. I had no intentions of sharing this on my blog as it felt pretty personal, but after sharing it with a close friend, who then shared it with a few of her friends, I was encouraged to make it public. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am not alone in this struggle. The struggle to gracefully let go of someone - or something - not meant for me. I have been through this more than once, and listened to more girls than I can count share this same heartache and frustration. So if God's words can comfort you through me, then by all means I will gladly share this. So here is a story, a visualization, a meditation to read through slowly whenever you find yourself tangled and trapped by a heart and mind you can't seem to control. May it bring you peace, comfort, and most of all, freedom.
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She felt her body become more and more constrained with every passing day, sometimes every hour. The bondage felt physical as her heart and mind fought to stay attached to someone she knew couldn’t be hers. She prayed for release, tried forcing her mind in different directions, even made up lies in hopes it would offer freedom from the hurt. But none of it worked. She was falling down an all-familiar dark hole and wanted nothing more than to get out, to run the opposite direction towards the light and towards freedom. So she cried out in desperation and sincerity and knew this spiral of exhausting inner turmoil and dialogue needed to stop.
And He answered. In His most gentle of whispers He assured her He was there and would not only fight this battle with her, but for her. But first, He needed to undo the damage. He needed to cut the ties before she would walk in the other direction. He called on His angels for assistance. While she lay there in the cool darkness, silent and still, they began their work. At first the angels attended to her thoughts. They found the spiraling strings that flowed freely and frequently from her mind, connected on the other end to a boy that was the subject of every memory, wish and daydream. They used tiny gold scissors and cut the strings one by one. Some were small and effortlessly snapped with one gentle snip of the shiny tools. Others were stronger and thicker and took several angels at once patiently snipping away before it could be broken and undone, once and for all. The angels worked quietly and joyously, only stopping to rejoice at every broken tie. She could feel a lightness begin to sweep over her body, starting with her mind, and she allowed her eyes to close as she let go of every thought, one by one.
After they finished with her thoughts, they moved on to her heart. These ties were a little trickier. They weren’t just spiraling thought threads, rather, they were braided heartstrings that had been bonded and strengthened over time. Some were messy and knotted even. Without skipping a beat, they got right to work, assigning several angels to each braid. This time they didn’t use tools, they used their gentle hands and patient fingers to methodically loosen each knot and braid. Again the angels rejoiced with each successful freeing of a knot, or unraveling of a braid. And again she felt that peace and lightness that was now flooding her chest.
They were almost done working when they got to a cord thicker and more knotted than all the rest. It was the biggest heartstring by far, the one she had wrapped around the emotion she had the hardest time letting go of. They decided to all work on it together, when they heard His voice speak over all them. “Let me handle this one.” The angels exchanged relieved sighs and smiles as they realized the only one fit for that job was taking over. His hands were strong and powerful, but also overwhelmingly soft and gentle. He began working on the knot, all the while singing the most beautiful song over her. The melodies danced in her ears, and brought warmth to every part of her body. She was afraid the big knot would hurt as it came undone. It had taken so much time to get it to that point, and she figured there was no way out of it except through pain. But there was no pain. No pulling or straining or frustrated tugging at the difficult knot He worked so diligently and gracefully to unwind. He peeled back strand by strand and before too long, it was finished. The strings wound back up neatly into her heart and He held on to the damaged end in His hand, letting it absorb into His skin. She cried as she grabbed her chest, feeling a freedom she hadn’t been able to recognize for a long time. He reached for her and pulled her into His arms. It felt so comfortable and easy without the cumbersome cords and strands she was so used to getting in her way. He brushed the hair and tears out of her eyes and continued singing. He sang of her beauty, and of His great, deep love for her. She closed her eyes and breathed deep breaths, feeling sweet sleepiness take over. With each breath she fell further into sleep, further into peace, and further into the arms that had just set her free.
The other week I made reference to how some of my sweetest and most intimate times with God seem to happen when I'm on a airplane. It could be the lack of internet phone that causes less room for distractions, or maybe it's just the welcome silence of closing my eyes in order to block out the stranger sitting unnaturally close to me, but either way, I love those times. And on my last airplane journey, I had one of my sweetest moments yet. I had been having an emotional week and was battling through a few things so this trip came at a good time. God often speaks to me through visions of physical interactions so it wasn't abnormal that I felt Him start to play out a scene in my brain. I know the inspiration partially came from bits and pieces of conversations with friends I had recently, but the rest I knew God was creating and graciously gifting to me Himself. Before long I had whipped out my laptop because I knew I wanted to remember the distinct visuals, descriptions, and meditation He was walking me through. Typing furiously and beaming from ear to ear, I no longer noticed I was wedged between two sleeping men in the very back row of the airplane - I felt I was on Holy Ground. I had no intentions of sharing this on my blog as it felt pretty personal, but after sharing it with a close friend, who then shared it with a few of her friends, I was encouraged to make it public. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am not alone in this struggle. The struggle to gracefully let go of someone - or something - not meant for me. I have been through this more than once, and listened to more girls than I can count share this same heartache and frustration. So if God's words can comfort you through me, then by all means I will gladly share this. So here is a story, a visualization, a meditation to read through slowly whenever you find yourself tangled and trapped by a heart and mind you can't seem to control. May it bring you peace, comfort, and most of all, freedom.
----------------------
She felt her body become more and more constrained with every passing day, sometimes every hour. The bondage felt physical as her heart and mind fought to stay attached to someone she knew couldn’t be hers. She prayed for release, tried forcing her mind in different directions, even made up lies in hopes it would offer freedom from the hurt. But none of it worked. She was falling down an all-familiar dark hole and wanted nothing more than to get out, to run the opposite direction towards the light and towards freedom. So she cried out in desperation and sincerity and knew this spiral of exhausting inner turmoil and dialogue needed to stop.
And He answered. In His most gentle of whispers He assured her He was there and would not only fight this battle with her, but for her. But first, He needed to undo the damage. He needed to cut the ties before she would walk in the other direction. He called on His angels for assistance. While she lay there in the cool darkness, silent and still, they began their work. At first the angels attended to her thoughts. They found the spiraling strings that flowed freely and frequently from her mind, connected on the other end to a boy that was the subject of every memory, wish and daydream. They used tiny gold scissors and cut the strings one by one. Some were small and effortlessly snapped with one gentle snip of the shiny tools. Others were stronger and thicker and took several angels at once patiently snipping away before it could be broken and undone, once and for all. The angels worked quietly and joyously, only stopping to rejoice at every broken tie. She could feel a lightness begin to sweep over her body, starting with her mind, and she allowed her eyes to close as she let go of every thought, one by one.
After they finished with her thoughts, they moved on to her heart. These ties were a little trickier. They weren’t just spiraling thought threads, rather, they were braided heartstrings that had been bonded and strengthened over time. Some were messy and knotted even. Without skipping a beat, they got right to work, assigning several angels to each braid. This time they didn’t use tools, they used their gentle hands and patient fingers to methodically loosen each knot and braid. Again the angels rejoiced with each successful freeing of a knot, or unraveling of a braid. And again she felt that peace and lightness that was now flooding her chest.
They were almost done working when they got to a cord thicker and more knotted than all the rest. It was the biggest heartstring by far, the one she had wrapped around the emotion she had the hardest time letting go of. They decided to all work on it together, when they heard His voice speak over all them. “Let me handle this one.” The angels exchanged relieved sighs and smiles as they realized the only one fit for that job was taking over. His hands were strong and powerful, but also overwhelmingly soft and gentle. He began working on the knot, all the while singing the most beautiful song over her. The melodies danced in her ears, and brought warmth to every part of her body. She was afraid the big knot would hurt as it came undone. It had taken so much time to get it to that point, and she figured there was no way out of it except through pain. But there was no pain. No pulling or straining or frustrated tugging at the difficult knot He worked so diligently and gracefully to unwind. He peeled back strand by strand and before too long, it was finished. The strings wound back up neatly into her heart and He held on to the damaged end in His hand, letting it absorb into His skin. She cried as she grabbed her chest, feeling a freedom she hadn’t been able to recognize for a long time. He reached for her and pulled her into His arms. It felt so comfortable and easy without the cumbersome cords and strands she was so used to getting in her way. He brushed the hair and tears out of her eyes and continued singing. He sang of her beauty, and of His great, deep love for her. She closed her eyes and breathed deep breaths, feeling sweet sleepiness take over. With each breath she fell further into sleep, further into peace, and further into the arms that had just set her free.
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