The House of Vines

thehouseofvines.com · Apr 11, 2013

I’m bigger than Jesus

In the spirit of Savonarola and Charles Manson

I think the cult of celebrity is destroying Paganism
so I’m going to transform myself into a Pagan celebrity.

That’s right. I’m gonna get my nasty clown cock all up in that shit
so that the whole institution ends looking gross and absurd
and people will have no choice but to flee internet communities
and return to the solace of their shrines, just them and their gods
and never another thought given to what authorities think.

To kill what you hate, you must become it.

It ain’t gonna be easy. I’m going to have to stir up a lot of drama.

Innocent people will get burned.

But they brought it on themselves. You make yourself a sheep,
you’re pretty much asking to get fleeced.

One way or another I will pry the stupidity from them.

A sane man who had such plans
– though really, would a sane man scheme so? –
might conceal his true motivations. Not talk so openly about it.

But I have contempt for people, and Pagans especially, so much contempt
that I don’t think it matters one little bit.

In fact, the more brazenly I tell them what I’m going to do to them the more eager they are to lap it up.

I am continuously shocked by the things I can get away with.

Don’t you realize that I’m the villain of the piece? Hello?

*shoots several people randomly*

No! Stop that! Why are you kneeling and opening up your shirts?

Fine. I’m an obliging fellow.

Blam! Blam! Blam!

Is that shocking enough for you?

It’s tough being a Fool in such a decadent, jaded society.

During the Middle Ages you just had to smack someone with a swollen bull’s bladder
or dress up like Jesus and sodomize a few nuns
and you’d have them rolling in the fields and convulsing with laughter.
Ain’t that right Saint Paul of Galatina?

But today?

Earlier today I overheard one of my neighbors talking about how funny it was the time she showed her child Two Girls, One Cup.

The child is ten.

I just … how do you compete with that?

Supervirus, why do you tarry?

Maybe if our population is decimated the generation after us will produce a Renaissance.

And if not … well, you’ve gotten rid of 9 out of 10 people. I could live with that.

So yeah. Big plans a-brewing. Very excited.


Tagged: christianity, dionysos, harlequin, heroes, italy, jim morrison, magic, oracles, paganism, philosophy, religious practice
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