The State of My Design

To follow up on my most recent “What’s the Tea” post, today I wanted to write a bit more about where my head has been lately in relation to design and home decor. I’m not sure how useful this post will be in terms of helping you design your own space. I’m writing this (draining my brain) in an effort to gain some clarity, feedback, and ultimately, confidence.

My love affair with home decorating and design began years ago. Sometime in my tweens, I sketched exactly what my future home would look like: white farmhouse style with green shutters and a big wraparound porch. I used to be a paperboy, and thoughts of this future house would occupy my mind as I delivered newspapers. Without fail, I noticed the details of existing houses in the neighborhood and new homes being built.

Later in my tweens, I took it upon myself to repaint my bedroom. This was when sponge painting was the thing (Remember that?) I went for dark green over white. It was hideous, but I was obsessed with it, and back then no one could convince me that it wasn’t beautiful. A few years later, the sponge painting had to go. My room got a fresh coat of a light green color. (Apparently, I was super into green) I ordered my own curtains online, made curtain rods from old staircase spindles, and turned a window I picked up on the side of the road into a mirror. Also, one summer I designed and planted the landscaping around my mom’s new deck. Needless to say, my love for designing and creating goes way back.

So where does this leave me today? Well, to be honest, (and you might already know this because sometimes I get way too personal), I’ve always struggled with self-confidence in most aspects of my life. Although this blog is my full-time career and I am pleased with much of my work, there are times I feel like I’m not very good at it, and that one of these days the jig will be up. (And yes, the numbers tell me that my fears are not well founded, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking it.)

I also realize that home design is highly subjective. No matter what I do or how I decorate, some people will love it, and others will hate it. That’s why one of my commandments for home decorating is: If you love it and it brings you joy, then go for it. At the end of the day, it truly doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

However, after saying all that, I think my current struggle with decorating is that I feel my design choices do matter. Because this is my business, I recognize that people liking what I do is essential for me to survive (i.e., buy food, pay bills).

Social media also contributes to my concern. (I am aware that my own neuroses/self-confidence issues are really the culprit with this.) These days, there’s definitely a desire and need to “be perfect,” get it right EVERY time, and please everyone who comes in contact with my work via social media.

And the pressure is amplified in the blogging community. By and large, IBC is a one-man operation. There are bloggers who have teams (assistants, photographers, stylists, people who handle social media, managers, writers, etc.). Competing on that level is essentially impossible. (Though I certainly try my best.) These days, some blogs are design firms or corporations, and I’m just little ole me hanging on as the pressure to keep up rises. (High fives to all of the bloggers out there who are doing things on their own. You have my utmost respect.)

Does all of this make any sense? I probably could go on for days, but I suspect you get the picture. I also should say that I’m crazy in love with my job. I’m not asking for sympathy, praise, or admiration. I’m just attempting to explain.

Beyond all of that, my other design hurdle is the fact that I like so many styles. I read and follow a variety of blogs and designers, and there’s so much great work out there. Pinpointing one style to follow just isn’t going to happen for me. Farmhouse, mid-century modern, preppy, rustic, colorful, white walls, graphic rugs, neutral rugs … I want it all. And there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it does make designing a bit overwhelming for me.

In my home, I’ve attempted to blend styles. I think my dining room is the best example. I have a farmhouse table, modern and traditional chairs, a green primitive cabinet, and modern artwork. It’s surely a mismatch, but somehow it works. Right?

Again, as I’ve mentioned way too much lately, the past couple years have been challenging personally, so I think that has amplified my feeling of “not good enough,” which in turn, has impacted my design creativity and willingness to share. That’s why IBC has been brimming with recipes. It’s harder to criticize a beautiful and delicious cupcake. Right?

So now what? Where do I go from here? My current home needs a refresh, I’m about to move into a new space, and I want to do what I love so much.

Clearly, not designing and complaining about not designing isn’t getting me anywhere so I’m going to try acting “as if.” This concept was presented to me a few weeks ago when I spoke to my therapist about my brother’s confidence and ability to not worry about what other people think. She told me to try acting “as if.” Pretend you are confident. Pretend you don’t care what other people think.

It might seem or feel silly at first, but I really love this notion. Want to be happy? Start by acting as if you’re happy. Want to get motivated? Start by acting as if you’re motivated.

Act as if you are the person you want to be.

This may sound a bit far-fetched or wacky to some, but it’s very appealing to me. The idea is that after acting this way for so long, it starts to become your reality. Pretty soon you’re not acting as if anymore. You’re just happier, more confident. You’re a person who likes to go to the gym. You’re a person who doesn’t need a cupcake to feel happier.

Get it? It’s worth a shot, right?

There are so many aspects in my life where I could apply this principle. And since I’m moving to a new city soon, there are so many reasons that now is the time to do it.

So, I hope all of my rambling makes a little sense, provides some clarity, and maybe even inspires some of you. As always, I will report back on my progress. In case I forget, be sure to remind me.

Also, I had intentions of sharing some of my current favorite designers and sources of home decor inspiration in this post, but this got much longer than I expected so I’m going to cut if off here and save that information for another day.

Until next time, friends…

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