6 Tips on Handling Anxiety

{via Kind of Style}

I remember my first panic attack much like someone would remember their first kiss; with both sheer terror and fear of the unknown. B and I were 23, freshly married and were in the middle of changing jobs and moving 6 hours south. Because we didn’t have any extra cash flow we had to be very strategic with our paychecks — one job had to start the minute our other one ended. Since B got a new job, we were going from two salaries to one salary for a temporary but undefined amount of time. We were only starting to feel the effects of the oncoming stress; what could possibly be more stressful than finding a place to live 500 miles away with two weeks until move-in day. Without the help of the internet. The town we were moving to was less than 25,000 people, so the supply of rentals was low to begin with and the medium of demand was drive around until you saw a rent sign. For the second weekend in a row, we looked for two days and had come up with nothing. We had no more options than when we started. And so on the way back, two defeated newly weds drove in silence, completely unsure of our immediate future.

And that’s when it hit. Out of nowhere, I could feel myself starting to drown. I sat there in slight shock of what I was feeling, trying to keep my cool in front of my new husband. I could feel my chest starting to get tight and my first thought was heart attack. I couldn’t breathe and I knew I had to get out of the car. I finally choked out ‘pull over!’ and my sweet but terrified husband pulled over as fast as he could at a roadside stop. Once I was finally able to catch my breathe, I realized that my mascara was everywhere and my husband looked like he had seen a ghost. It had felt like a split second that this happened, but it had been at least 20 minutes. What the hell was that, I thought as I got back into the car and tried to pull myself together. I would wonder what happened for the next two years as I would have these little attacks at random times, seemingly out of nowhere. I would wake up at 5 am with an attack, or one would hit me in the middle of the day. My anxiety monster had awoken.

I actually didn’t realize what was going on with me until I heard a podcast with a woman talking about dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. It started to make sense. After researching, I realized I wasn’t having heart issues but panic attacks. And for the next 6 years I would take a journey of many panic attacks and sleepless nights to understand and to learn how to deal with my anxiety.

Within the last two years I’ve really learned how to deal with my anxiety instead of ignore it or let it explode. A few of these I’ve picked up either from health professionals, a counselor, friends, books and practices I have found work for me.

1. Ground yourself.

A few years ago went to the doctor for depression and one of my favorite pieces of advice my doctor gave me was to ‘ground myself’ when I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. This simply means to plant your feet firmly (but don’t lock your knees) and focus on feeling connected to the ground while breathing slowly and deeply. This physical motion sends a signal to your brain of security and support. It’s still something I remind myself daily when I can feel my head start to spin.

2. Focus on your breathing.

Another piece of advice I’ve heard from many professionals is to focus on your breathing. This is also helpful if I’m ever feeling nervous, stressed or anxious. There are many moments when I begin to focus on my breathing and I realize I’ve been holding my breath or breathing sporadically. If I take very deep breathes (count to 10 in, count to 10 out), I immediately feel calmer and more aware. This helps me remember to focus on what I can control, not what I can not.

3. Identify the source of the anxiety.

My husband, bless his soul, has seen pretty much every single panic attack I’ve ever had. But in the last few years, he started to calmly ask — where is this coming from? What truth is this grounded in? A lot of times, while I can’t control when anxiety hits or why, I can figure out where it came from. If you can identify what you were doing when your anxiety hits, a lot of times you can figure out where those feelings are coming from and this helps. Identifying your fears or anxieties helps confront them and figure them out. Control what you can, let go of what you can not.

4. Positive self talk.

This is such an important tool for me with anxiety. I have a great imagination that can really work against me at times and before I know it my anxiety has created monsters that simply do not exist. Learning how to talk to myself positively and identifying the truth is so helpful in dealing with anxiety. Negativity breeds negativity and while I’m not always Susie Sunshine, thinking in positive terms helps me curb my anxiety-ridden worry habits.

5. Know your limits.

This one is a hard one to conquer, but if you can become more aware of where your anxiety starts, you can understand your stopping point. I don’t say this so that you become a hermit and stay inside to remove yourself from all the stress and anxiety of the world, but to say that you can handle a lot more than you think. Knowing your limit just means you know when to fold them. For me, I lead a pretty stressful life, running two businesses, so I know that Sunday’s are my day. I clean, I grocery shop and I take it easy. If I don’t take a Sunday off, guess what? The next week falls apart. I know my limit and it’s 6 days a week of work. 7 days and my knot starts to fringe.

6. Find your peace.

My peace is a bath tub. When we moved into our new house, I realized that I’m very good at taking baths. It’s a skill I’m very proud of, specializing in bubbles. If I’m ever feeling overwhelmed or stressed or anything, a bath can take those feelings away and I can calm down or conquer, depending on what it is I need to do next. For others it could be running, yoga, talking with a friend, reading a book, playing a game on your phone, watching HGTV, meditation or prayer, listening to music — anything! Whatever brings you peace, whatever brings you back to a calm place, that is your peace. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, a bath certainly isn’t grand or sacred, it just has to help.

And I wouldn’t consider this a tool you can use, but turning 30 has helped tremendously with my anxiety. Something about your 20s kind of makes you spin with anxiety, but now I know that even if the worst thing happens — life goes on and that’s a very good thing. As always with any mental health issue, do not ignore it. Please seek help because there is always hope and always help.

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