Follow Friday: Grandpa’s Pirate Ship
Photos in this post were taken on grandpa’s pirate ship. Have a great weekend!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
NicestHippo I like how they call commercials “breaks.” Whew, watching this show I love is making me tired, better take a breather
vornietom JESUS: man does not live by bread alone, but by every word of GOD ME: *raising my hand* what about cheese JESUS: we’ve been through this
TheCatWhisprer Diapers Rule Everything Around Me D.R.E.A.M
joshgondelman I saw a guy drinking a regular Budweiser and I was like: “Am I in a commercial for Budweiser?”
Cheeseboy22 AMBER ALERT: Here comes that jerk Amber.
novicefather Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not “like Dan Aykroyd.”
Mike_Eagle i guess we’re all binge watching each other
msdanifernandez ENTOURAGE: The Movie! Critics everywhere are calling it “a movie” and “about the show on HBO” and “a movie about the show Entourage.”
rstevens Foodovations 2016: Aerosolized Doritos Spray Donut Dyson Sphere Chocolate Kale Vertical Pizza Emoji McNuggets
OTandET Did I get potato chip grease on yr documents? OR… did yr documents get document on my potato chip grease? ::does card trick / runs away::
thepunningman (campfire) Dad: Wanna hear a scary story kids? Kids: Yeah! D: I know all the words to Gangsta’s Paradise Son: Dad no! D: Honey drop the beat
MrsTomServo Opinions are like assholes: I have two, and it’s thanks to the shoddy state of the US public healthcare system.
NicestHippo If you’re a company that makes calendars a good slogan is “Your days are numbered”
mat_johnson In local news, my son found a Go-Gurt tube behind his dresser. Carbon dating puts it at 2013. “It’s still good,” he insists.
Bandersnaaatch Whenever someone says they have “a thing” for me, I secretly hope it’s a pony.
dru0887 Just fell down a flight of stairs. Cardio complete.
Toaster_Pastry Maybe I overreacted a little when I tried to banish someone to the Pink Eye Colony.
ProBirdRights I campaign on the truefact that I (A) am bird (B) am hansome (C) not squirrel (B) am bird (J) deserve (H) bird (Q) great plumage
SnoozeInBrief How to tell whether you’re a writer: 1) Write something. 2) If it took far too long and you now hate yourself, you’re a writer.
unfoRETTAble I just saw a baby in distressed jeans. I don’t know WHAT that infant could be doing to distress those jeans but I wish his parents luck.
Just_BCS I took a sexy selfie once, I wasn’t in it.
Karate_Horse (COMING TO THEATERS THIS FALL) How did these goats all get on this island? You’ll be on the edge of your seat this September: GOAT BOAT II
loather The look I just got for informing a guy that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom has me questioning what men even do in the bathroom
SomeChrisTweets If one more person claims I am secretly a robot I will blow a gasket.
drewtoothpaste These MILLENNIALS are weak… they don’t know how to work… (spends 12 hours posting on Facebook about Chemtrails and Superfoods)
BitchExcellence yes teenage girls can be dramatic &wild but honestly have u ever even seen what happens when u tell a grown man ‘no’
BillCorbett DON’T try the When Harry Met Sally fake orgasm in restaurant thing hoping to hear “I’ve have what he’s having.” Nope, nothing but police.
lieberian Patron just asked if I know anything about the Little House books. I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS QUESTION MY WHOLE CAREER
jonnysun ME: did it hurt GIRL AT BAR: did wat hurt ME: when ur hopes of having a nice uninterupted night out got crushed bc i started talking to u
SomeChrisTweets If you wanna be my lover You gotta defeat your friends Two enter Thunderdome One leaves when it ends
UncleDynamite I don’t know how improv works so I’ll just say “inflatable sex doll as an in-flight neck pillow” and stand back. Get at it, you wizards.
JennyPentland I returned my Fitbit because the packaging was too hard to open.
primawesome Well, son, your mother and I fell in love after accusing each other of being robots on a dating website.
theleanover Every episode I watch of ‘Murder She Wrote’ dismantles the patriarchy a little further.
apelad Wait a second. Skeletor. Skeleton! I GET IT NOW!
NicestHippo (villain training) So when James Bond comes in I should swivel around in my chair & shoot him right? “What? God no, just be petting a kitty”
asterios Ugh, gun control? Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to make bulletproof children?
emilysteers adulthood! when you thank the stars there are no memorial day plans, shut the blinds, and stare at the internet.
SpaghettiJesus I’m so well known that opossums play me
mat_johnson In the fantasy genre, the male hero must raise his sword straight up in the air. Otherwise, people won’t know it’s supposed to be his penis.
dubouchet Last night I sent myself an email with the subject line “pomodoro technique” and nothing else. Now I gotta check my butt for tomatoes.
kevinseccia I need a new riding mower so I’m giving all brands until end of day to convince me they appreciate those who serve our country the most.
sweden When I was a kid I played the lowest note on a piano every now and then thinking that ”this is what outer space sounds like”.
sweden I’ve never used karate except in video games. Only my thumbs are trained for karate.
Jackclemens1 Sometimes when I’m in an IKEA I’m like how do I get out of here?! Hahaha. (Begins to pray earnestly)
AnOrangeSNES The girl from high school who signed my yearbook “never change” waits outside with a crossbow. She knows I changed, now she waits.
kibblesmith Adopted a three-legged rescue from a shelter, by which I mean a homeless guy with a huge wiener.
pontiuslabar Domino’s app easter egg: Order 16 sides of Garlic Dipping Sauce and someone comes to your house and shoots you like a lame horse.
TheThomason Mega Man to the tune of “Whatta Man.”
000___000 going to bed. you guys are gonna have to handle the tweet posting without me for the next few hours. i’m very sorry if i’ve disappointed you
momopface Ain’t no party like a Netflix party cuz I blew off all my plans.
deardilettante You’re naturally happy? That’s nice. I need a plastic bag when I leave the pharmacy.
jimmy_sharpe You’re only as good as your last disaster.
ARTbyiLu *wearing a dress made of sweatpants*
Lilacmess My neighbor scream talks, all day long with all the doors and windows open. I am listening to him talk about how much he loves eggs
joshgondelman All you need to know about me: I ruined the canopy of a canopy bed when I got up in a haste after remembering there was pie in the freezer.
RandomAntics It was fated to fail. He insists on a low carb diet and I survive solely on spaghetti stuffed mashed potato bread.
cloudypianos *flying pollen hits me in the face* “it’s a beautiful and poisonous world”
marcmaron does anyone have a list of the best lists
weinerdog4life I wanna stand with you on a mountain I wanna bathe with you in the sea I wanna ride you like a horse
bibliobotic When will I achieve the true American Dream, which is to walk away without looking back at an explosion I myself have caused?
kiralc where were you guys when you first learned turkey bacon isn’t really any healthier than real bacon?
annetdonahue What if Game of Thrones ends with it being a really weird and over-dramatic Coke commercial
hazelmotes1 I didn’t choose the thug life. It didn’t chose me either. I live in the suburbs with five cats.
jerryRenek If I don’t survive opening this plastic packaging, please tell my family I love them.
HoneyWooWoo Folgers: For the daytime, sit down, one sip, tummy rumbling, run to the bathroom, no fiber required, best poop you ever got with a coffee.
PeachCoffin Oh my god Becky look at her potential for greatness
hazelmotes1 I’m not a mad scientist; I’m just a disappointed scientist.
iLikeCatShirts (Shows up to your house with blood all over my face) welp, I guess I can’t help you move today.
MarylandMudflap When receiving unwanted male attention at a bar, gain the upperhand by simply asking, “And how long is the middle part of your penis?”
SomeChrisTweets When I die, cocoon me in tiny mirrors, hang me from the ceiling, and party until I reemerge as a disco butterfly of unimaginable majesty.
walruslifestyle bill nye is short for william new years eve
saladinahmed KID: Know what I want to be? ME: What? KID: THE VERY BEST! LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS! TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST! TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE!
NickBossRoss I hope Sir Isaac Newton dropped the mic when he first told everyone about gravity.
LisaMcIntire My body is now mostly Beijing beef pancake. Je ne regrette rien.
SamGrittner JUDGE: “How do you find the defendant?” JURY FOREPERSON: “By looking for him, your Honor.”
DOB_INC I want my gal to be a lady in the streets & a freak in the bed & a dancer in the shop & a dinosaur in the helicopter & mouse in the bathroom
fart its a beautiful day today. thinking about going outside and getting on periscope and saying cuss words online for one hour straight
briangaar Your honor I’d like to enter into evidence a screenshot of me beating Battetoads “Mr. Gaar, you’re on trial for murder” No further questions
WBKnoblock That’s no fish, that’s my wife! Wait, no, that’s a fish. I’m not even married.
cloudypianos I love these communal bathroom keys because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough pee on my hands from the doorknobs.
TheCatWhisprer The most romantic thing either partner can do in a marriage is agree to eat at the first place the other partner suggests.
rstevens I fought the lawn and the lawn won
walruslifestyle why don’t you make like a sloth and stay right where you are for several weeks
saladinahmed Just told my kid in the porch swing “You’re not allowed to rock that hard!” so I’ve basically become the dad in a Twisted Sister video.
BeTheBoy Going to try to turn this around. Dogs are awesome. I’m just telling it like it is.
janinebrito Do I even lift, bro? – bodybuilder with amnesia
vicehii Bop it. Twist it. Pull it. Praise it. S u m m o n I t . F E E D I T .
Eeyun___ I have two phones. 1 personal phone and 1 phone explicitly for playing all the versions of goat simulator.
tastefactory COP: Do u know how fast u were going ME: The posted speed limit, 495 COP: Sir that’s the route number, i don’t even know how I caught up to u
FeralCrone Woke up feeling like a 5’7″ aspic. A bit wobbly, transparent, and gross, but also kind of a marvel when I check out my inner life.
annetdonahue WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE where’s 50 cent he said i could find him here
TheBosha Now calling all three of my sons “Trevor” and enforcing a strict English-accent-only rule on phone calls.
Mike_Bianchi Sometimes I run alongside trains, tearfully waving, just so people will think I have a girlfriend.
ProBirdRights I found a box of corm flake. guess what there a prize inside (it me)
LizHackett The recipe called for a hint of sea salt, unfounded rumors of rosemary, open threats of thyme, an unauthorized search and seizure of pepper.
lemoneyes I liked Google Chrome a lot better when it was capable of opening websites.
joshgondelman Self-esteem level: “Assumes I did something wrong every time a car horn honks.”
Coolisiana (2nd date) Her: Oh, nice, so does this happen every meal? Me: *peers over team of waiters struggling to strap me into a high chair* Yes
YesThatGiraffe “Help! I’m on fire!” “Well, don’t be that.” -How most helpful advice sounds in an emotional crisis.
jesseberney The word is “tie.” Can you use it in a sentence? “The spelling bee ended in a tie.” B-U-L-L-S- (bell furiously dinging)
Jake_Vig With virtually no power, there still comes a surprisingly large amount of responsibility.
TheRealRHB Well, life just handed me limes, so Now what do I do????
ElleOhHell Hey Brenda, let’s watch this cute kitten video! *clicks on “Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?”* Haha whoops wrong video but LET’S HEAR IT OUT
Karate_Horse (COMING TO THEATERS THIS FALL) How did these goats all get on this island? You’ll be on the edge of your seat this September: GOAT BOAT II
cakemittens Adulthood – Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder.
ojedge (red carpet) “So Ryan, who are u with tonight?” Ryan Gosling (proudly) “My parents” (two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side)
SirEviscerate DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
adamrensch Math is everything. Life, death, economics, video games, it’s all numbers. Those pants you’re wearing? Math denim. Clouds? Fucking sky math.
kerihw If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you poke us do we not flinch? If you go near our eye do we not go “omg I don’t like stuff near my eye”
Lubchansky do you think Danielle Steel’s close friends call her Steely Dan
abrosenthal “You miss 100% of the shots.” -my fifth grade basketball coach
weinerdog4life I went to the gym today, just kidding I went to the park and yelled at birds
RikerGoogling find my combadge
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
