The Good the Bad and the Ugly of The Power of Now

As you may know, my business is going through a money crisis these last few weeks of July. I’m not a happy camper.

I’ve been trying to listen to The Power of Now but Eckhart Tolle lulls me to sleep each time.

I fell asleep listening to him at 10 PM last night (wicked early) and woke up today at 10 AM, listened to him again, fell asleep again, and woke up at 1 PM.

I’ve gotten a shit ton of sleep.

It’s 2:39 PM on Monday, my day off, and I’m waiting for my mother’s eggplant parmesan to be ready.

How depressing.

I don’t care what Eckhart says, when you’re broke and worried, you can’t go out, you don’t want to have fun. And all the small stuff that never bothered you before, starts eating away at you.

EVERYTHING annoys you.

Okay ok now wait a sec, I’m blowing things out of proportion for the sake of emphasis. In reality, I’m enjoying all this sleep and really looking forward to the eggplant parmesan.

And I’m loving my day off from clients.

It’s just that……hold on, the eggplant parm is ready.

YUM!

It’s just that, when I was in Thailand standing on the roof top of that really expensive hotel and looking at my bank account thinking “holy shit I’m rich!”

I was happy. The happiest I’ve been in a really long time. All my burdens lifted and it felt real, not delusional.

Mmmm….garlic bread.

One broken armed therapist, higher rent, and a few big investments later, here I am, starting all over from scratch.

I hired two new therapists. We’ve been getting slammed lately. So not only do I need $5,000 extra this month, but that’s not counting paying these two new therapists.

I had no choice. I won’t go into the boring details but it has to do with Groupon lowing the price of our deals without my consent. They sell couples massages for $89, but lowered the price of our single massages. So we are hammered with clients this month.

I had to switch to only selling couples massages with them which requires more therapists. And okay, I went into the boring details.

I hired independent contractors. They only get paid when they have clients. Doing that will save me a ton of money by not having to pay their taxes or downtime.

My broken armed therapist taken her first client in four months yesterday. She’s going to take one client a day until she’s all better.

I finished furnishing the room upstairs, I just need to hang up a mirror and screw in a light bulb and boom, done. My friend Jill gave me her old massage table.

August 1st I’ll send out an email promoting the membership and our two new menu options, shirodhara treatments and psychic readings. It turns out that my esthetician is a card reader and she wants to offer readings to people.

Should I get more eggplant? I kinda want to nap. I have until 6:30 to lay around until my friends want Mel time.

And come August, I’m going to promote my membership with the Record Journal again. They’re the guys who made me feel rich last January when I was standing on top of that expensive hotel in Thailand. They sold a f*ck load of memberships.

It’s always darkest before the dawn they say.

But good lord the helplessness I felt!

Here’s why:

1) I’m getting fat

2) My room is a mess and I have papers everywhere that need to be filed

3) My car is also a mess

4) My debt has never been greater

5) I have more clients than I do therapists and no money to pay them

6) I don’t have enough members to break even each month

7) Groupon lowered the price of our single massages

8) My broken armed therapist does not pull in any money and is costing me hundreds of dollars

9) I’m still massaging people

10) My debt is so great that I don’t have much of a safety net to fall back on when times get tough (such as now)

Numbers 5-9 are being remedied as we speak, 1-3 are easy to fix, 9-10 will be fixed after 5-8 are completed.

When you’re this hard up, depressed and hopeless, it’s easier to bury your head, you know? You just don’t want to move.

I still don’t want to move. God why am I so tired?

Poor Kristi, the girl I want to give the ultimatum to, she gets so damn bored and lonesome that she always tries to get together with people but like I said, if you met her, she’d annoy you too.

Anyway, originally I wanted to write about The Power of Now, but things taken a different turn. I’m going to write about it as quickly as possible so I can squeeze in a solid nap.

The ugly side of The Power of Now is that you’ll be more accepting of annoying friends.

“I can’t judge them on their past behavior because it’s all in the past. No one know’s how they’ll act today.”

Basically, you’ll be more susceptible to live with how things are.

The bad side is that it’s possible for you to become delusional by denying your past (escaping it), or fall victim to abusers by thinking that your situation will change if you ignore your past and future. Everything is “OK” right now.

My happiness on that roof top in Thailand was incalculable. But Eckhart says that that kind of happiness isn’t real because it has to do with material possessions. It’s not lasting.

But it wasn’t money that made me happy, it was freedom.

Damn, I’m going up for more eggplant….hold on.

Mmmm so good.

I need to learn how to photosynthesize. I hear a guy in India does it.

But anyway, unlike Eckhart Tolle, I believe the present moment is a culmination of the choices we made in the past. By understanding our past, we understand how and why we arrived at this present moment in time.

If you don’t appreciate the effort you made in the past, you’ll never appreciate the present moment. You’ll not appreciate yourself. I was able to experience happiness on that roof top simply because I knew how I got there.

Kristi doesn’t appreciate herself because she doesn’t feel her efforts being reciprocated. How can she appreciate her efforts when she gets nothing back? How can she appreciate herself at this present moment when she basis her entire worth on how other people respond to her?

I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. But if you’re not able to let go, the cycle will continue to repeat and I think that’s what Eckhart was getting at. To let go of expectations and disappointment in order to free yourself.

For me, it’s the effort that matters. If one thing’s not working, try something else. And whatever you do, don’t take anything serious.

These last two weeks in July are critical, but not serious.

I guess you’d have to be me in order to understand what I mean.

It’s like saying you can’t be beaten. You can’t be beaten because your identity isn’t attached to these things. If your identity is attached, only then it’s serious. It’s serious because your ego is threatened with annihilation.

In Kristi’s case, her ego is threatened every time she’s bored and lonesome.

Everyone is different and carry their own triggers. Mine happens to be when I feel my freedom is threatened or when I’m being misjudged.

Oh man I should shower. I don’t feel like doing shit. It’s like 90 degree’s outside.

And Kristi is one of those people who tries to be funny. I swear that girl nails down every one of my pet peeves.

By living in the present moment, you’re able to feel the crowd and read the environment – I’ve been doing this since I turned 18 and decided to be as authentic/honest as possible and realized it involves being in the present moment.

The present moment has nothing to do with “you.” That’s the beauty of it. And thereby you’ll never take it seriously.

My parents just left for the casino. Complete peace. Absolutely no noise.

Brianna is texting me to go to Japan with her in April to go hiking around Kyoto. I promised my friend Jay I’d visit him in Alaska next fourth of July.

If I reach 200 members, all this is possible. Especially since my broken armed therapist will be taking clients again.

I was going to organize my papers today….I was going to go hiking today……I, shit, I did nothing today except eat eggplant.

I’m laying here, I don’t want to tell you what time it is, but I’ve been laying here all day in bed sweating in my pajama’s that I’ve been wearing for how long now? 20 hours?

I should shower dammit. Hold on.

*******************

It’s now the next day.

Since Groupon lowered the price of my massages, they’re sending me an extra $1,200! They lowered the price, but are still paying me the same amount.

You have no idea what this means to me. It means I’m saved. I’m saved from having to dip into my personal line of credit money.

If I made it through this month without getting further into debt, my business is indestructible. But how weird how it happened! Groupon NEVER did this before and not only that, but they’re known for only giving 60% commission – now it went up to 80%? And I get the money tomorrow?

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

I’m looking into salt scrubs and body wraps for either my broken armed therapist or esthetician to do. I can introduce them to clients by September.

My goal is to own a spa that is nearly impossible to refuse a membership to. Not only would it be impossible to refuse a membership to, but have no reasons to cancel it.

I organized and filed all my papers and made a “To Do” notebook. I love finding old “To Do” lists crumpled up in my desk drawer because it makes me reminisce on how I got through those “tough” times of having stuff to do. It makes me feel like I accomplished something.

So I’m keeping a To Do notebook where I can keep them all in one place and feel perpetually accomplished.

I feel renewed happiness.

Okay, I’m going to take a shower, eat, and get some shit done on my list.