Mind Retrofit

mindretrofit.com · Mar 24, 2016

How Quickly My Mind Turns

I would like to start off by saying, I apologize for not getting back to the comments that have been left. I want to reply, but I just cannot at the moment. I have read them, and would like to respond, however, my mind is just too full at the moment and my time is limited. I will as soon as I can — I truly appreciate your comments!

Why hello again!

After, I wrote my post the other night it was as if my mind did a reset. Literally, I felt like a huge load had been taken off of me and my mind felt able to process. However, it was only able to process through the emotions that I spoke of. It reminded me of how exhaustion, illness, and not getting alone time leads me to depression. Which, causes me to isolate, in turn enhances my anxiety, fueling bursts of hyperactivity that ultimately forces me into complete exhaustion. It is a horrible cycle. My mind and body race until they cannot race any longer, only to recover for a moment then, repeating the same cycle.

Does that make sense?

It is an old pattern, the only one I knew for most of my life. I am now feeling much better. I am not feeling lonely and depressed. I still feel like someone who does not belong anywhere, I cannot figure out how the majority of people feel about me, but I am ok with that. When the cluster of emotions finally release, I am able to shake that off. I am alright with not belonging for the most part, and I can “fit” it long enough to have human contact — I think that is good. I do have clarity now about a handful of people in my life. It is a good feeling to finally have that support. I know that they are for me, they like/love me, they care for me, and they are there for me.

We all need some type of support, when we have that it makes to world a little easier.

Every week is a constant flow of doing, going, and socializing. I am amazed at how far all of us have come. We were not able to do the majority of the things we do now in 2014. We still have a ways to go and even more adventures ahead of us though. The good things is that I am able to focus on our family’s accomplishments now. I am also, focusing on mine. I need to remind myself of how much I do because in my mind, I am never doing enough. I always feel like I could or should do more more. I am going to let that go today. It may come back tomorrow, but today I will let it go. We are having a good day, and I will treasure it. I wish I could have this clarity and calm in my mind all the time … I know that will not happen. That is ok, because next time I will be sure to focus on self-care. I may write, I may run, I may paint, or create something else. It doesn’t matter as long as I allow myself the freedom to take care of myself.

Note To Self:

  1. Take Breaks!
  2. Allow recovery time in whatever form you need.
  3. Focus on all that you have accomplished.
  4. Write out your emotions, and remember emotions are ok, they should be expressed in a positive outlet.
  5. Stop suppressing who you are!

Thanks for reading if anyone is out there!

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