All the Love in the Universe

Have I ever told you that my father is a rambler? He gets to telling a simple story-- like maybe, the time he got his first pair of nice leather gloves from his mother so that he could ride a cattle train in the winter through the Great North, and it will somehow last for hours. It just keeps going and going. If he begins to run out of story, he will unapologetically start at the top of it, but this time around stop.... just to make sure you get ALL the little details, like how the steel handles on the cattle cars worked, and how cold they were to the touch. He lives in those memories while he is repeating them, and I always got the sense that he likes to spend time in them. There is such a sweet fondness in them, I feel like my father is the reason I have such a strong desire to be a story teller, and I love him for it. If you have been reading here long enough you know that just like my father, I am a bit of a rambler myself. Brevity has never been easy for me. I think that's why I fell so hard for photography, grabbing the perfect piece of a second that does all the story telling for me is magic. I tend to be heavy handed with type, and it's frustrating, so the camera has always made me feel like I can scoop all the details out of a moment and keep them all in one place to be dwelled on. I don't want to ever beat a story into the ground, and I can't help the feeling that when I come here to type, that I am starting to just go on and on now. It was never my intention to keep sharing my life. I worked out a great deal of growing pains and fear here. I found courage to go after a creative career. I settled into myself. It has been a guide and helping hand to find so many pieces to the puzzle that I have been struggling with my entire life. For the first time I feel put together, and I figured out how to let myself be loved. I have no regrets from this blog. I'd hate to ruin that. I'm a huge fan of people knowing when to stop. So I am stopping. I know it's the right choice because it feels so refreshing to type that. I'm beyond grateful for the love and support that came through these pages, and never really found a way to feel like I showed enough appreciation for it. That has always been something I struggled with, in order for me to pay attention to my family and give them the time and attention they deserve, to give them all of me, I didn't have the time to answer emails, or respond to comments. I would try from time to time, but could never find a way to stay true to my family. They will always come first, and so it felt bad to let emails go unanswered. It felt greedy, like I was hoarding sweet sentiment and good will. Saying thank you with a smiley face emoticon feels lame, and with my tendency to go on and on, well, you can only imagine how long I would take responding. So this is my last chance to say thank you and apologize to anyone that has ever felt like I was a big jerk for ignoring them. I really am sorry. Just know that my kids appreciated the hugs, and tickle fights, and epic hide and seek sessions, and all the silly play time they got with me instead of being glued to a keyboard. The kids are growing up so lightning fast and I hate missing any of it. So yes, I feel bad for making anyone feel ignored, but not as bad as I would feel ignoring my family. My plans down the road will be to finally launch my production business. I have been working on some really inspiring projects and have new clients with amazing stories waiting to be told, and I am so excited that I get to tell stories like these for a living. That is what I have always dreamt of, and I am finally waking up to the idea that I am actually living that dream. It has taken all of my courage to commit to this business. I kept finding excuses to not start it officially. There has been no name, no portfolio, nothing that represents me professionally, because I didn't want to lose any of it. I'm done wasting time worrying. I am putting all of my energy into surrounding myself with a great support team, and to tackle some bigger productions that I know I am capable of. It's truly an exciting time, and I am terrified. That's good fuel. When I started this blog I was terrified. The story I set out to tell here has been told. I know myself well enough to know that I don't want to keep up this blog out of some misplaced obligation and watch it die because my heart isn't into it. So thank you to everyone that has ever stopped by and said hi, or shared a thought, or cheered us on, watched me grow out of being a boy, laughed and cried with us, welcomed Tessa to this world, learned about SMS while we did, made a kids record go #1, tried to get Ellen to acknowledge SMS, saw me make mistakes, helped me learn to really love and accept my mom and dad, piled on encouragement and support while my career grew, I will always be grateful for this space and the love that it grew. I am so happy to be leaving it behind as a fond memory. From all of us, thank you.