Her Weekends

Tessa showing off her new boots and cowboy hat I brought back from Austin, TXThe most important thing she says all weekend long, whenever The Littlest Buddy is at his fathers house for the weekend is: "I miss LB." No matter how much fun we have, and no matter how much attention she gets when he is gone, she consistently asks for him, and worries about him. She has started to wonder about LBs rocky emotions more and more, little questions: "Why is he crying?" when clearly there is nothing happening around us that is upsetting. We realize we have to go to the store for something last minute, and upon announcing that we have to leave the house, LB will start to feel anxious and tantrum. Short straight forward answers always work the best for now (I read that somewhere, kids dont need long answers, just answers). So we say things like, "He has SMS and it makes him scared about new things" and then we immediately assign a responsibility like, "its our job to be brave for him." A few weeks ago when her brother was upset during a car ride, Tessa looks over at him from her seat and said: "calm down, you have to calm down." Not in a sweet nurturing voice, but the way I say it-- a firm no nonsense tone, "LB. Calm down." The more I sound like an emotionless robot, the more calm it makes him. I imagine Tessa being much older and trying to comfort a friend who is upset about a boy, and I can hear her in a robot voice say, "calm down." I worry sometimes that Tessa is going to have witnessed such intense emotions and hurt from her brother, that she wont be able to relate to lifes little annoyances that burden the rest of her friends. The Littlest Buddies special needs are in fact making Tessa special in her own ways. Cole and I decided to try and have another baby for many reasons, and the big one for me was so that Tessa will always have someone else to relate to, to share decisions with about LB, and to help her. I never want Tessa to feel like the only thing she was put on this earth to do was take care of him, I want her to feel free to make her own life, and know that we as a family all work together to keep things calm and clicking along. We just started asking her what she thinks about having another brother or sister, and so far she is all for it. Of course, she has no idea what any of this means. Im sure none of us really truly knows what having another voice in this house will mean. But its exciting to be planning for this. Its so strange, the way these days flow, when you know things are going to change forever, and the kids are going to have to share you even more than they already do. The hugs seem a little tighter and last longer. I think its natural to feel a little guilty about it.