A Growing Connection
Today is off to a much better start than yesterday. Truth be told, yesterday was a bit of a rough one for me due to some pregnancy-related anxiety. Everything is okay, but I was just a hyper-concerned mama-to-be for most of the day. I know I’ve alluded to the anxiety I’ve felt during pregnancy on the blog before, but yesterday it surfaced again worse than it has before.
On Sunday, a couple hours after brunch, I started to experience some cramping. This happened to me one other time many weeks ago during pregnancy right before bed and by the time I went to sleep and woke up the next morning, everything felt okay again. I just sort of figured this would be similar to my last cramping experience, but when the cramping didn’t dissipate for hours and I woke up on Monday with a continuous light cramping feeling, I started to feel a little concerned. I went about my normal work day feeling overly aware of a light cramping sensation that never let up. The cramping also seemed to migrate lower and lower which heightened my anxiety.
I started to get myself more and more worried (why I chose to consult Dr. Google when I know that will just freak me out further, I’ll never know) and eventually called my mom after work to explain how I was feeling. My mom is a nurse and asked me a handful of questions and said she thought I was fine but encouraged me to call my OB/GYN just to be safe. I spoke with a triage nurse who asked me a bunch of very thorough questions. She was so kind and calm and by the end of our call, she said she thought my cramping was likely gastrointestinal versus uterine (which she said was a good thing) and asked me to go to a local CVS or Walgreens for a quick blood pressure screening, which I did immediately. She also told me she thought my cramping could be related to dehydration and encouraged me to drink lots of water.
Once I arrived at CVS, I sat down and took my blood pressure twice before purchasing some sparkling water and calling the nurse again.
She encouraged me to call her back if cramping continued or worsened but I am already feeling much, much better today.
As I typed everything out to share with you guys this morning, I realize freaking out over light cramping may seem trivial, but I really was scared and felt very grateful for the ability to call a triage nurse who was so kind and knowledgeable and wish I just would’ve reached out to my OB/GYN sooner. I’m not sure why I let myself wait so long – probably because my cramping was rather light – but I guess part of me felt like I was being an overly paranoid pregnant woman since I have experienced more worry and anxiety during pregnancy than I ever thought I would.
Up until yesterday, part of me felt attached to our little guy, but part of me also struggled with really feeling connected to the baby boy growing in my belly. When I feel him move, there is nothing better and I am dying to meet him, but I definitely did not feel an instant bond or real connection to the baby growing inside me until yesterday.
I think it took feeling scared and overly paranoid for me to realize that I care so, so deeply for our baby boy. I want him to be safe in my belly. I want him to grow big and strong and enter this world as a healthy little newborn when the time is right for us to meet him. In looking for the silver lining in all of the anxiety I felt yesterday, I realized something rather huge: I am already falling in love with our little one. We may not have the connection I’m sure will come when I meet our baby and get to know him, but we have something. And it’s big and it’s powerful and it’s amazing.
Question of the Morning
- For the mamas out there: Did you ever struggle with excessive worry or anxiety during pregnancy? Was there anything you did that helped ease your mind and concerns?
