Dog Beards

Guys, this is my life: Debating with myself for long minutes about whether I know person well enough to make a wiener joke on their Facebook post. Because not one but two of my Facebook friends posted pictures of themselves with wiener dogs in their laps this week. And I only deemed it appropriate to leave a wiener comment (“Is that a wiener in your lap or are you just happy to see me?”) on one. The other one was a male co-worker, and while he’d probably be cool with it, I do have some sense of propriety.

Uh, except now I posted it on the Internet and everyone knows. Oh well.

ANYWAYZ, the dog selfies made me think of dog beards, mostly because everything vaguely related to dogs or beards makes me think of dog beards. These are dog beards:

DOG BEARDS! (Image from thematapicture)

When I first pinned this, I think my caption was something like, “Holy shit. Where’s my dog? I need to do this NOW,” but then I got distracted when I figured out how to make fart noises with my hands.

BUT TODAY I AM DOING IT.

I try, as a general rule, not to do dumb things to my dog too often. I mean, there was this… but that’s sort of the exception. I try not to bother her much because she’s old and also because she smells like dead things. I mean, I love her anyway, but having her mouth that close to my nose is not my first choice of pleasant activities.

But come on. DOG BEARDS.

As you probably guessed, there are many outtakes.

“Mommy, WTF?”

“Wrong angle, dipshit.”

“If you don’t quit it right fucking now, I will bite your goddamn face off.”

“I can’t tell which one of us is more pissed off at this point.”

But, finally, we managed to get something passing for a DOG BEARD!

I can probably die happy now. Go ye and torture your pet for the sake of a funny picture you can post on Instagram for no one to laugh at as hard as you do yourself.

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