Alicia Paulson

Winter Clean Up

Grocery-store tulips and hot tea. The chores were piling up. We tried to clean up a little bit, but I still feel daunted. I think it's more perceived chaos than real. But I do have a punch list, and I need to get on it. I get frustrated when I let things go that you can't really get away with letting go, for very long. Wah. This happens to me every January. I want to rest, but the girls need their 1099s, or whatever they're called, so I have to do The Books (which I really don't do all year, in spite of the many, many times I have sworn that next year I will do The Books all year, every month, every day) and The Forms and The Files. And, you just have to do it. I get no better at it, nor more inspired, as the years pass.

The sky today is pale, pale gray. Andy bought tiny light-bulbs for my grandma's two pink glass antique lamps, so they are glowing. I had an idea about making a painting for the mantel, so I bought a cheap canvas from the craft store. I fussed a bit with the mantel — all the foliage on there is dried or fake, sort of a late-winter/early-spring bunch of bits, and (it being fake) I can just look at it and be happy and not have to do any work about it — and then I hung the blank canvas where it will ultimately go. I was very pleased, in fact, with the blank white. It felt like the only white space in the room. An open door into possibility. As they say. What will it be? I thought the three of us could paint on it and see. Maybe this afternoon. A family painting.

My dear Amy and I went to Kachka for dinner the other night. I had the best time. Cute place. Great company. She and I can talk about cross stitch for half an hour and get so excited we are essentially shouting. It was loud in there, especially with what sounded like Russian Tom Waits booming, but still. Dear Amy. xo

Mimi's crocheted dress is my Mina. I need to make more of these, or of knitted or crocheted dresses in general. They are perfect for winter days, and keep her core warm. Crochet. Andy's crocheting starfish because the dog ate two of our real ones. That's a sentence I wouldn't have thought I'd ever write, for some reason.

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