Almost Three

I finally went in and registered Kate for preschool for September. Preschool! She is very excited about it; I could drop her off tomorrow and she’d barely spare me a glance as she joined in. I decided to go with three mornings a week. She’ll be in a class with 3s and 4s, they do a swim class every week, a music class, art class, and learn about numbers and letters and days and months and all those fun things. She will seriously be in heaven.

Meanwhile I am really looking forward to having a break for a couple hours! Well, half a break… I will have Ember of course. Which will be fun, just her and me! I sometimes (often) feel like Ember gets the short end of the stick a lot because almost-three-year-olds are rather needy and prone to dramatics. Kate also gets quite bored and wants to read books or play games or dance. Ember is still endlessly fascinated with cups and blocks. So I’m thinking I can take a class with Ember, do errands, hang out.

Of course once the “this is so exciting!” part passed I had one of those long moments of held-in tears, not really wanting to let go of her just yet. Which causes Den to roll his eyes just a little bit, because I spend all day with her and she can definitely drive me crazy some days. But I admit I’ve been cuddling her a little longer at night since I registered her.

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I think it’s hard sometimes, I get so caught up in the day to day exhaustion, just trying to keep ahead of the laundry and dishes and what-are-you-doing-NOW? I spend the day just wanting 5 minutes to myself in silence and I forget to stop and take it in. It’s dumb, and it’s frustrating, and I can see it happening. I’m just so tired I haven’t had a full night’s sleep – like a stretch longer than 4 hours (and the 4 is very rare, it’s more likely 3) – in well over a year. And at that point I was pregnant so I wasn’t sleeping well then either. Before I got pregnant Kate was still waking once a night. It’s been a long time. As Ember gets closer to one year old I start thinking Okay kid, I’ve been remarkably patient and loving during your many night-time wake-ups. But now you just have to figure this out and start sleeping better. It’s time. I love you little one, but we would all benefit from mama getting some more sleep.

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Their birthdays are coming close now. How do they just keep getting older?

I’m starting to feel more like myself again. I remember this, this awakening. The first year is… intense. Not horrible, not over-the-top, not crazy… but definitely intense. I live in Baby Land. It’s dragging a giggling-but-limp toddler through a parking lot while carrying your 5 month old on your hip. It’s nursing on the couch while watching Pingu for the three thousandth time with a toddler trying to creep onto your lap and the baby. It’s losing your patience with everyone and everything except your children because your tank is empty and there’s not a whole lot left over.

Now Kate is closer to three she is much better at following directions and reasoning. She tells me about parking lots, “Be careful mama! Cars dangewus!” She holds my hand (though sometimes I have to make the request several times). I can tell her that in order to go see her friend she needs to sit in her car seat – and she does. Yes with the drama and the fake crying and the “I don’t wike dis, mama.” Definitely some negatives. Putting on coat and shoes and getting out the door in the morning is very very slow. But all in all I like the independence. It makes my life easier (though not faster). I can tell her to go wash her hands in the sink, or go find her water cup and bring it to me, or sit at the table with her snack, all with some reasonable expectation that she will do so.

Ember is easier in a lot of ways and harder in another. She can sit in shopping carts or hang out in my Beco on my front or back. She can eat little snacks of whatever I’m eating (sort of). However she is in a clingy phase where she wants to be held by mama and takes a while to warm up to new situations. Hopefully soon she’ll be eating more food so I don’t feel so guilty when I go out for more than a couple hours. That would really make a huge difference, being able to go out at bedtime! That might not happen for a while, though.

I’m enjoying the sunshine that spring brings, getting into my old/new photography hobby, spending time with my kids at the park and in the yard. I’m feeling good. It’s a good life, indeed.

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