Things I wish I'd known as a new mom

There aren't a lot of things I regret about my parenting experience. In fact, I'm happy with the decisions I made, even if they are not entirely 'conventional'. But when I think about the time when Little Dude was a newborn, I can only remember being overwhelmed by how demanding this motherhood job is. If I could go back in time, I may have gone a little easier on myself as a new mom.

That phase is as exhausting as it is, without having to burden ourselves with endless worries - but of course, we end up doing exactly that. I know I did, and I know this is the exclusive predicament of new mothers who lose all rationality due to sleep deprivation and the responsibility of a helpless human being.

If there is anything I could do differently back then, here are some of the things I would tell myself:

(Pic: Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

You can leave the baby alone for a few minutes.
I felt that I had to entertain my baby every second he was awake. I felt that if he didn't see me for a few minutes, he would be scared, and I would be a bad mother. This was a very impractical line of thought, of course, because ordinary things like using the loo and having food became difficult for me. I shouldn't have felt guilty about putting him down, or I should have come up with a better way of handling it, like by babywearing. I don't think he even noticed at first, but soon he got used to seeing me constantly, and that made things a little harder.


You don't need to have a spotless house.
I'm the kind of person who hates clutter, so I worried constantly about having a clean house. Obviously, that was far from possible with a newborn. I wish I had realised that there would come in time where I could clean the house to my heart's content, and I needed to focus only on my baby, who was growing up fast!


You don't have to look hot right now.
I don't think we ever feel as low about our bodies as we do soon after having a baby. I mean, everything goes haywire, and you don't know who it is in the mirror. I wish I hadn't worried about that at all. There were so many other important things to think about, and I definitely didn't need to adhere to the false notion that I should look hot and sexy soon after giving birth. With time, I did become my earlier self - but not completely. My body has changed in many ways, and I'm proud of it, because I brought a child into this world.

You can't always stop a baby from crying.
I tried my best, so that Little Dude didn't have to cry. I fed him often, and I held him as much as I could. I burped him after every feed, and I rocked him to sleep. Despite that, he cried. It made me feel helpless and horrible. I thought only babies who had unmet needs cried, but that's only partially true. Babies cry as a form of communication. They may be sleepy, or cold, or overstimulated, and they'll cry. And there's no actual way to understand them. It is almost impossible to prevent them from crying.

You will get back on track, and the world will still be there.
I worried that everything about my past life was over. I thought I would lose all my friends, and I would never write again, or read a book, or watch a movie. Yes, motherhood brings about some drastic changes and it is overwhelming. Your life will change, but you will appreciate the beauty of it. You will lose a few things, but you will also gain a sense of fulfillment. You will eventually get back on track, even if it is a new you. The world will still be there, and you will find friends - some old, and some newly found.

I would have told myself so many things. Yet, I have the feeling that if I were to become a mother again, the giddiness of a new baby would make me forget all this. And I would do the same things all over again!


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