Cuts Like a Knife

I was going to do a pre-op post but someone didn’t nap as long as I anticipated him napping for so here I am doing a post-op post.

This was probably the first surgery I’ve had where I wasn’t totally stressed out and scared of what was going to happen. I guess I’m like a surgery pro now, or something like that.

Surgery day didn’t just involve surgery, it also involved a procedure where a metal coat hanger was rammed into my boob. Ok, well maybe not exactly like that, but pretty close.

We got to the hospital early and were processed right away, but I ended up having to wait forever at Medical Imaging for the whole metal coat hanger procedure. They were late in getting me and then the procedure was a gong show which made me late for my surgery.

When I had my biopsy for the calcium deposit (or “calc” as every medial professional likes to say) they placed a metal clip near the area to act as a “beacon in the night” so if I had to have surgery, they would know where to go. So the plan was to have an ultrasound tech find said clip then a radiologist would come in and place a metal wire right beside it so my surgeon could follow the bread crumb trail to the spot. A great plan in theory, not a great plan in practice.

First the ultrasound tech kept talking about my lump and not my “calc”, and I was like, seriously, have you not read my file? Today is not about lumps, it is about calcium! Then she couldn’t find the clip with the ultrasound machine and was generally confused by everything which was not reassuring. She finally decided she was going to go talk to the radiologist and see what he thought about the whole thing. The decision was then made that they would do this procedure using mammograms which meant they would be able to see the clip much easier but they had a higher chance of not placing the wire correctly on the first try.

Here is the thing about Burnaby General Hospital, they still have a mammogram machine that uses film. This means that instead of the imagine being instantly transported to a computer screen, they have to develop the film after every picture. So here’s how it went…

Two pictures get taken so they can figure out where this clip is. They figure it out and then clamp me in and leave me there for 5 minutes while they figure their lives out (the squished boob wasn’t as annoying as the extreme neck and shoulder pain I had while sitting in the most awkward position of my life). Then the radiologist comes in and based on all these pictures freezes the area and jabs me with this giant needle that has a wire sticking out of it. Then they take another picture to see if its in the right spot. I sit and wait while all this film gets developed. They come back and tell me it’s not in the right spot, so without taking it all the way out, he tries to re-position it. Another set a pictures get taken and I wait. This happened 6 times. 6 freaking times. Finally it was close enough that they could leave it where it was and I could have my surgery.

I guess the good thing about being late for surgery is they process you like a hot damn. No waiting around, no getting anxious, you are on the fast track to the OR!

When I met with the anesthesiologist I told her that I get super sick after surgery so she said she was going to give me all the good drugs. My OR nursers where young and spunky, which was fun and the surgery resident who was there works with our friend Nori, so it was like I had someone working on the inside for me. As odd as it may sound, it was probably the most pleasant operating room experience I’ve ever had. Like 1000 times better than my Thyroid surgeries.

When I woke up in recover I was so tired, but I thought my bladder was going to burst from all the fluid they pumped into me so I forced myself to wake up so I tell the nurse how badly I had to pee. It was odd to wake up feeling virtually no pain, no nausea, but having to pee like I’ve never had to pee before.

They wheeled me back to the day surgery room and after getting a once over I was finally allowed to pee. My pain started to get slightly worse so the nurse gave me a shot of morphine in the arm which hurt 1000 times more then the actual surgery did. I don’t understand why, if I have an IV, they always have to shoot me in the arm with the damn morphine. It is so painful.

Shortly after all this Chad arrived to pick me up and I got to go home. I really didn’t feel too bad other then being ravenous and super tired.

I’m still all bandaged up so I don’t know how monstrous this new scar of mine is going to be. I have a follow up appointment with my doctor next week and hopefully there won’t be any surprises there. For now I will sleep and watch TV and be glad this part is over.