For “Slowy”: An iPhone 4S Eulogy

In the wake of my phone’s recent passing, I thought it would be appropriate to share some words on its behalf. It’s never easy to lose a friend. Thank you for allowing me to grieve.

My iPhone 4S, you leave me now, but you are not forgotten. Maybe that video is for real and I’ll end up bending my 6 — then we can be reunited. For now, I want to remember you. I want to remember all of you: the young, vibrant phone you once were; the struggles you overcame; even the later months, when it got hard to take care of you. You were always there.

I recollect first bringing you home from the Sprint store. I downloaded Instagram, cause I thought I’d be into that. I took like twelve pictures and don’t remember my log-in.

Only weeks later we headed north to Green Bay to work for the summer. Remember people asking why I had a purple phone case? And I was like, “IT WAS THE ONLY ONE THEY HAD, I GO TO K-STATE, GENDER IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT!” I defended you, cause we were soldiers Mel Gibson friends.

We had fun times. I beat all of the free levels of “Flow” during those trips to the bathroom. I actually started Tweeting with some regularity too. You were such an upgrade over my Palm Pre.

Then your sleep button broke and it looked like you were going to need surgery. I was so scared. Thank goodness that girl’s boyfriend at that house party showed me how to turn on the action bubble so that I could preserve your battery. It wasn’t a disability. It was an opportunity. I still dream about those plane rides when I couldn’t power you off, and we would laugh, knowing we’d pulled one over on the flight attendant.

Even when they released iOS 7 I stuck to my guns. I never updated. Mostly because you were always out of memory. It seems like only yesterday you were a relevant piece of technology. But time is not kind to smartphones.

As seasons turned, I could see a change. You were tired. It was a fatigue that even a functioning sleep button could not remedy. Your battery could barely make it through the day. Texts didn’t always send. Opening the YouTube app was almost unthinkable. You were my phone for over two years. It was your time.

You didn’t always have signal, but you always had heart. Not in a Her kind of way — you get what I mean. To most you’re just another iPhone 4S, but to me you’ll always be “Slowy.” RIP sweet prince.

The post For “Slowy”: An iPhone 4S Eulogy by Danny Neely appeared first on The Social Robot.