REVIEWING: HERMÈS FALL 2012 READY-TO-WEAR + RUSH LIMBAUGH VS. SANDRA FLUKE

HELLO HELLO, my true love bbys! I hope you've all been fantastic and rowdy and out robbing banks. I've been really feeling the rebel yell of my fleeting youth this past week, wearing denim jackets and spiked jewelry and drinking non-diet sodas, but I think it's about time I reel it all back in and discuss something I semi-chose to ignore over the past month: fashion week. Maybe I'm a little subconsciously bitter that I wasn't part of BCBG's unapologetic enlisting of internet fashion gurus to hype their NYFW show to the 7th layer of hell but I guess I'M JUST NOT AT THAT POINT IN MY CAREER YET ;( or maybe I'm more than a little "over" this whole #dark alt-fashionisto obsession with Givenchy/Gareth Pugh/McQueen. I'm sorry, the McQueen line this Fall is not worth a blog entry, it's not worth a lengthy rant, it's worth 2 syllables: "da fuck?" followed by a follow-up question: "why are all of these sheep on this Parisian runway and why are they covered in doilies?". That's it, whatever, I'm done, Sarah Burton earned my trust and then pissed all over it, I'm going to pretend this is 1932 and wear a Superman t-shirt under the same 3-piece suit every day. But, before I write off fashion week(s), there were a couple stand-out lines that didn't have to resort to being alt for the sake of alt. One of them, probably the biggest bitch to type, is Hermès. I'm so used to typing Beyoncé and Pokémon that "é" comes so much more naturally than "è", but if I'm going to drink espresso (which is Italian but w/e) and eat cr"ê"pes, then I'll be damned if I won't properly type french fashion houses.

If you've ever read my blog, you know I love equestrian. Love love love. Or maybe I've never actually brought up that I love equestrian looks and I just think that I did because I talk about it IRL sometimes, but either way, I do. Something about luxury being horse-ready just gives me the biggest fashirection (can I coin that term? is that too vulgar? is there a less-vulgar, fashion-phallus pun I can make?). Though the idea of French fashion was slightly lost in this collection (hello, gaucho pants), I feel that the strong themes of travel persistent throughout the Hermès brand allows for the step outside the border.

I KNOW I've talked about my croc-skin love, though. Anything that originally grew on a reptile, really. I mean, don't get me wrong, love my fur, love my leather, but nothing shines or gives off that slinky, slanky, slunky feel like reptilian apparel. The Hermès line this Fall played with maximalist silhouettes exactly enough to retain the femininity under the androgyny without overstepping the line of silliness. LOVE GIANT GAUCHO PANTS, can you imagine riding a roller coaster in those??? MIND BLOWING!

Trench. Just trench. Niemetz. Trenchcoats. Same thing. I'm seriously considering investing in a pair of leather pants and (btw GORGEOUS) black briefcase strap to mimic this look. Or just investing in the bag. See, I'm the type of guy who can't stay tied to things like a briefcase because I need both of my hands at almost any given moment to break into an impromptu lip-sync perfomance or smoke. I'm also the type that is far too physically weak to try and actually lift all of the disorganized clutter in my murse. These are reasons that my shoulder strap is an absolute necessity. Granted, I'm probably warping my spine, but you NEVER know what new haute thing will be in 10 years from now, so maybe a "wet-noodle spine" could pay off. Maybe. I hope. Pray for it.

While the first half of the Hermès line was essentially colorless, the clouds cleared around the show's midpoint and the rainbow couldn't be more evident. Bright bursts of velvet color-blocking showed a sudden turn, allowing the girl that isn't flattered by pants with a 40" circumference leg her own stab at beauty.

Now, if you guys want to ever get me any presents, I'd totally be down to receive a Hermès scarf (or ten (jk (not really))). If you have no idea why, google it. They're another level. Just gorgeous prints on silk that you KNOW feels like God himself is softly licking the back of your neck. While the line was scarf-lacking, this printed silk instead appeared on a number of blouses in a couple of bold florals that my indie-chic friends of 2010-past would have killed each other over and then on the above. I really want more silk in my life. Will someone get me some silkworms? Would you wear Niemetz-silk? I promise to be super-ethical about it. I'll feed them, like, Grade A silkworm food.

And finally, fur. Floral and fur. Flural. I also want more flural in my life. But I'd probably do like, fur pants with a form-fitting floral top. Chewbacca legs. Your thoughts?

Now, as you guys probably know by now, I occasionally try to discuss things that matter. The first of these (the bulk of my posts) usually being fashion-related because duh that matters the most, but the second will often cover a wide spectrum of topics, including Lana Del Rey and my circulating fake nudes. This post, I want to bring to light a video I came across. a) I love hokey-pokey folk with strong political messages (think Kimya Dawson), b) Rush Limbaugh is kind of a pig

One particularly disturbing line I saw on The Moderate Voice said this about the left-wing retaliation towards Limbaugh's remarks: "They overlook the fact that although Limbaugh is a major polarizing force, he’s also an entertainer — a jovial bloviator who thrives on controversy if he can make it amusing enough." I'm very much for women's rights, I consider myself a dabbling "male feminist", and I'm slightly unable to wrap my head around a mentality that justifies misogyny for the sake of a good, controversial laugh. There, rant over, I hate Rush Limbaugh.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you think Rush Limbaugh would look cute in a silky, rose Hermès scarf xoxo