This Never Happened

Heyyy,

First of all, thank you so much for the outpouring of support after my last post about my struggle with postpartum depression <<< and reading that horrifically constructed sentence.

I've been writing about it and it's helping tremendously. Today I even put on real clothes! Most of what has come from these writing therapy sessions is weepy drivel, so I hope to make it readable and release it into the universe soon. Again, thank you so much. You guys are all stuffing squeezers ... which will only make sense if you make it to the end of this post, so ...

For tonight, let me just ask you one semi-uncomfortable question.

How many of your Facebook friends do you avoid in real life?

It matters not if you've ever met them in person (honestly those are some of the best ones; I can keep my weird unable-to-breath-properly-when-speaking problem under wraps that way).

But anyway ...

How many of them would you have coffee with?

How may of them would you say "hi" to at the grocery story?

How many of them would you want by your side when your money laundering scheme blows up in your face?

(I hate it when I launder money. Happens all the time. Better than laundering checks, though. Those things just disintegrate ... )

And how many of them, if encountered in a public place, would make you panic, hide behind a toilet paper display, accidentally knock it over, blush furiously, and then turn on your heel and walk out of the store with a shopping cart full of merchandise you forgot to purchase, setting off the theft alarm and causing armed security officers to come running?

And as the security officers took you down, said "friend" would not even acknowledge your pleas to, "Tell them I'm not a delinquent! It was an accident because I was avoiding you! C'mon, we're friends!"

Seriously. How rude could they be?

What I'm asking is, how many of your friends are not really your friends (in that they would cause you to commit unintentional theft) and how many are just so awesome you could squeeze the stuffing out of them?

Hmm?

My ratio is ace. :)

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