Daily struggles

Thank you all for your support. Working on getting stronger and trying to cope with the physical and emotional challenges that I am facing.

My doctor had me write a list of what she called my "daily struggles." It wasn't hard to compile that list. Having to rely on others for rides, overall fatigue, being disappointed in people who I thought would step up but haven't, etc. Trust me it is a pretty long list. Then we went through the list and tried to determine what could be fixed, ignored or was inevitable whether I liked it or not. It brought some clarity to the situation and actually made me feel more in control than I had for weeks.

At the end of this process, she asked "Where does being a widow fit into all of this mess?" That question took me over the edge and I realized how being without Lane is this crisis situation makes it almost impossible to deal with. On one hand, I don't want to die. My family still me needs me and for whatever reasons I think it's not my time yet. On the other hand, If there is an afterlife (I really don't know!) and is this Lane's way of asking me to join him there?

Going through daily struggles without your husband to help you is unbelievably difficult. It doesn't matter if it is an illness, a leaky roof or a combative child. Going it alone means making decisions on your own, dealing with the financial burdens that go with these decisions and then dealing with the consequences. It's a mess for sure.

Do I need Lane now more than ever? Of course I do. Like all of you I have no choice but to handle my daily struggles the best I can. Sometimes I do a pretty good job, other times not so much.

How do you handle your struggles on a daily basis? Any advice for me is welcomed.

Thanks.

Sue