Guilt

Guilt is one of the most powerful emotions we suffer from. If someone, especially someone close to us, lays guilt trips on us it is extremely difficult to fall down and get back up like nothing has happened and shrug it off.
My parents, for the part, didn't use a guilt trips on us. At least not very often. So it was a little weird like silent punishment.
Right after Lane died I began using guilt on myself. You know the routine, he wouldn't have died so suddenly if I had gone with him to every doctor's appointment. I would have seen signs if I didn't travel so much for my job. I should have had him drinking more water than coffee with breakfast. And of course, no wine, no spicy food and no red meat. His death was my fault and I should feel guilty about it every second of every day. And I did. I really felt miserable and guilt ridden.
Then I got my own issue: A cancer diagnosis. Was it payback for all of the "guilty things" I did to bring on Lane's sudden death? While I am sure there is a connection, I just don't know what connection and how it got there.
Lane never made me feel guilty about anything. Even spaghetti with Prego got a "great meal Sweetie." When I am late posting I feel so guilty. I know how important this website is to a lot people; So keep posting and I apologize when I am late or absent. Please stick it out with me!! Remember, unfortunately we are in this together!!
What do you feel guilty about? Having fun, going on a date, smiling? And, how do you deal with it?
Thanks.
Sue