A Reading From the Gospel of Yeezus

My dad’s New York Times subscription paid off once again when I saw they had an in-depth interview with Kayne. Yeezy has flirted with chicness and shriekness over the years, but with this article...

Ask Babe: Getting Deep

Hi Babe, You always talk about deep conditioning your hair and I was wondering what’s the chicest one? Like do I use the Kérastase or Shu Umera? Or neither? A******** Dear Person In Need Of A Hair...

Proenza Proenza Proenza Forever

Viva Proenza Schouler! Viva la ressurection! Viva le chic! The chic little fashion people at my home away from home, Barneys, decided it’d be a cute look to re-release PS’s first collection. But...

Take It Off

I’ve always believed buying cheap clothes kills you, and finally, there’s proof. According to Greenpeace (I am assuming they successfully saved the whales and are moving on to some actually...

Babe on Film: Behind the Candelabra

It’s one of the world’s greatest mysteries how exactly Steven Soderbergh manages to capture in his movies exactly what I need at any given moment. What middle schooler doesn’t need the funhouse...

Ask Babe: Bible Study

Dear Babe, There’s this young man in my adult bible study group that I find extremely attractive. I attend the social hours after the class but even then I don’t know how to approach him without...

You’re A Bitch, Mother Nature

The apocolypse is coming. I think. Tornados in Oklahoma, floods in Texas, colliding trains in Connecticut, Amanda Bynes’ wig, Amanda Bynes on the elliptical, Amanda Bynes in jail. In lieu of the...

In Memoriam

For me, Memorial Day is not just about remembering the troops who died for our country, but also about remembering things of the past that we all miss dearly. Let’s all take a moment of silence in...

Ask Babe: My Boyfriend Is A Dick

Babe, My boyfriend treats me like shit. I cry all the time. My mom says I am giving myself to Walmart while my Barneys is waiting. What should I do? A*** Dear Rihanna, Some general thoughts on the...

An Open Letter to the Love of My Life

Dear Arnie Grape, I usually take the week of the Cannes Film Festival to rest and reflect. I haven’t bothered to attend the festival ever since Katie Price made her first appearance at an...

My Boyfriend: Tui Mitcham

Tui Mitcham, the crux character of my fave rape-crime-poor people-drama, Top Of The Lake, is a twelve year old girl who lives in New Zealand, so she can’t exactly be my real boyfriend. But, there’s...

Keanu, Come Back To Me

I’m having a hard day. You can imagine my horror when I went to read The Daily Mail and saw that Keanu, my Neo, my darling, had gone from this: and this: to this: Keanu, you and I both know you’re...

Ask Babe: Final Fat-asy

Dear Babe, I’m in the throws of final exams right now, and I just can’t stop thinking about punctuating my studying with fatty food. It really sucks because, until now, I’d been eating so healthy...

GOOP 101

So some rando Internet person attempted to go into the wilderness of acceptable eating guided only by Gwyneth’s new book and found it to be a successful and enlightening experience. As a seasoned...

Ask Babe: Good Rap

Dear Babe, I’m considering a career in rapping. Chic or not chic? xx A***** Tan Mom, Not chic. BUT…let’s think about this for a sec. Correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s never really been a chic...

Full. Body. Chills.

I Can’t Even

It’s raining today and I might be “bloated” for the first time in my life and I just can’t handle anything right now. I can’t handle this marriage while I’m single. I still can’t handle this couch!...

So, The Met Gala Happened…

And what a shitshow it turned out to be. This year’s theme was “Punk: Chaos to Couture,” which you’d think would excite the fashion masses, but most of them chose to disregard the theme altogether,...

Musique Babe: ‘Is Tropical’

This video just gets me. And this song will be on repeat in my car for the next 2 months. And I need to invite this band over for green juice and cigarettes because I’m obsessed. You are so...

A Lesson From Kate Moss

Psychos, please take note of this picture. This is why you can never let smoking, the sun, bad lighting, that hair,that jewelry, that makeup, that facial expression, or time happen to your face....

NBGay

I’ve been so over the NBA lately. Yes, the players are hot and make tons of money, but they also sleep with Kardashians. It’s boring. But just when I think I’m totally ready to let go of basketball...

Ask Babe: Shut Up To Feel Better

Dear Babe, So I broke up with my live in boyfriend of a year over fb messages I found on his phone to an old hook up, who by the way looks like a man, telling her how great she looks recently. To...

Who Are You?

I’ve been arrested. I have to admit, it was a low point in my otherwise covetable life. But when you’re being arrested, my biggest piece of advice is to go with it. Ride it out. If you’re playing...

Ask Babe: Not A Maid

Hi Babe, Every time I go to my boyfriend’s apartment it’s a mess and he gets mad that I don’t touch anything for cleaning. I used to help him to clean the apartment, but after a day of cleaning, he...

Nudeness Rudeness

Someone just emailed me about something called the Naked News. Is anyone else disturbed/fascinated/confused by it? It’s pretty clear none of these women can read. They claim to be “the world’s most...

I Have An Addiction, Sir

My therapist recently challenged me to not spend any money on clothes for a month, which may sound easy, but lest you forget: shopping is my heroin, dressing rooms are my syringes and credit cards...

Ask Babe: Leo Date?

Babe, Can’t breathe! Lana, Florence, Prada inspired costumes wearing Carey Mulligan…LEO! Pre-game before, I’ll bring the kush and xanies. What time should I pick you up? S******** Claire Danes,...

Ask Babe: Naked Ambition

Babe, Time and again I feel like I want to be a stripper. The money is supposedly great and I truly think I would love it/ be really amazing. Is there any chic way to respond to this dark impulse?...

High Style

I’d consider myself a pothead but I would not consider myself an asshole, there’s a difference. My dilemma is that I’m always looking for new ways to be stoned in public without looking like an...

My Ex-Boyfriend: Ryan Lochte

Shame fucks are a part of life. I knew I would eventually have one. But, is mine… Ryan Lochte? I never thought I’d need to ask that question. Ryan was supposed to be the perfect counter-programming...