How to Talk with Your Kids When the Media’s Values are Not Your Own

Good morning!

Today, we are joined by a guest author. Mary is here to share with us how to talk with your kids when the media’s values are not your own. I know many of us can relate to this situation and appreciate Mary’s insight.

Author: Mary Kremer

When I was a kid, my mother would frequently boycott businesses or products with overly sexualized commercials. Anything from fast food joints to hair products were out of the question for our family if the commercial relied on sex to sell the product. Though we as kids sometimes teased our mom for being a prude, I realize now that these were her attempts to counteract the negative effects of the media and to help us determine our values.

With the incredible access children now have to the internet, to social media, to television, to magazines, and even billboards, it can be frightening for a parent when the media’s message isn’t in line with their personal values. Luckily, you as a parent are still the most influential person in your child’s life. Here are some tips to help you navigate unwholesome media messages and help your child create strong, positive values.

Talk About the Issues

Children are exposed to sex, violence, and drug use in the media at younger and younger ages. To help negate the negative effects this might have on your children, talk with them about these issues often and freely. As soon as you see something you disagree with on the TV, in a magazine, or on a website your child is exposed to, use it as an opportunity to talk with your child about why it is you disagree with that message.

…When it Comes to Sex

If you believe sex needs to be associated with commitment, for example, talk with your children about how important it is to respect their bodies and the bodies of others. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• As they get older, your discussions with your children may become more specific. However, at younger ages, it is enough to talk about setting appropriate boundaries when it comes to their bodies and the bodies of others.

• Use correct terminology. If your children know they can talk with you about the subject comfortably, they are more likely to come to you in the future with any questions or concerns.

…Or Violence & Drug Use

When it comes to drug use and violence, the approach is exactly the same. Talk with your children early on about how violence and drug use are portrayed in the media, and how that is not in line with what you believe. Keep these tips in mind:

• Talk with your children often about the dangers of drug use and how important it is to talk through their problems instead of resorting to violence.

• Make it clear to your children from a young age that you expect different behavior than what they might see on the TV.

• As they get older, you can be more specific. If you talk to your children early enough and often enough about these issues, they are more likely to avoid them as they get older.

Limit Their Exposure & Provide Positive Alternatives

You certainly will not be able to keep every negative aspect of the media out of your children’s lives, but you can control what goes on in your own home. Be sure to:

• Avoid TV shows and magazines that aren’t in line with your personal values. Though your children may encounter negative messages from their friends and others around them, they are more likely to filter these experiences through the values you instill in them.

• Provide positive alternatives for your children. If you provide books and magazines with positive messages for your children, they are likely to seek out the good and avoid the bad on their own.

• Seek out good television programs. There are plenty of great, child-friendly programs on public television, many of which have been shown to be beneficial in teaching young children.

• Consider turning off the TV entirely! Break out a board game or encourage your child to explore a new craft or hobby. This is a great way to encourage positive creativity and avoid the negative effects of the media.

Set a Good Example

Simply telling a child to adhere to a set of values is not enough. If you behave differently than you expect your children to behave, they’ll learn what you really value, no matter what you teach. Make sure to:

• Practice what you preach. If you want your children to avoid smutty or violent media, avoid it yourself. If you want your children to learn to respect other’s bodies and beliefs, make sure you are striving to do the same. If you want them to respect alcohol and avoid drug abuse, make sure you are always doing the same.

• Create a safe environment. If a family member’s values aren’t in line with your own, talk with them and encourage them to set a good example for your children. If a loved one is struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, encourage them to get help. For more information on how to get help for your loved ones, click here.

Stay Involved

Numerous studies done by the Kaiser Family Foundation and other media watch groups have reported that parents who are involved in their children’s lives, who minimize their children’s exposure to the media, and who are willing to talk openly with their children about what they are exposed to in the media, are able to minimize the negative effects of violence, sex, and drug abuse that is often portrayed.

Simply put, if you are more active in your child’s life than the television, you have greater influence. Though I may have teased my mom about her prudish attitudes, I ended up adopting a lot of her values (and I still don’t go to some of those chain restaurants). You can have the same effect on your children.

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