Black lives matter.

I was going to post a life update today. I was going to share photos and talk about new projects. Maybe share some tunes. But I sat down to put the post together and I just... couldn't. I couldn't do it. It didn't sit right with me.

The truth is, it's just not important right now. There's so much going on this week, and I'm wrestling with it, in my head and my heart and my soul. So, I'm going to leave my messy thoughts here, and save everything else for another time.

My heart. My mind. My prayers. My quiet time. My everything is consumed with thoughts of the family of Michael Brown - I don't think I could act as dignified and beautiful and wonderful as they have acted at every turn - we expect so much from those who are faced with such heartless tragedy, don't we? My everything is consumed with prayers and solidarity sent to the protestors around the country, especially to the people of Ferguson, Missouri, who have tirelessly proclaimed justice in the face of violence, oppression, brutality, and systemic racism. Tear gas. Death threats. Armored vans. Verbal abuse. Assault. Lives hanging in the balance. Children at risk. A law enforcement, a government, and a nation who has, in countless ways, abandoned these people and their cries, their voices, their pain. They abandoned them long before Michael Brown so tragically lost his life.

I look through my Twitter and Instagram feeds, and my heart is overwhelmed by the support people have shown for Ferguson. Through a painful, damaging, unjust time, the beauty of people helping and loving one another is there. Like Mister Rogers once said, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." I cling to that quote. Amidst the horror and darkness, there is light. I see it. I hear it. It's crying out amongst the evil. Loud. Sometimes shaky, full of pain, but unwavering.

Do you know what also stands out to me?

The silence.

It is deafening. And, even though there are no words, the silence speaks volumes. I opened up Feedly today, and not one blog post/article said anything about what's happening in our country this week. I went on Facebook, and while a few people were justifying an unarmed black teen's death, most people weren't saying anything at all. Everything was so... normal. The world is going on, without a passing glance at the horror that is happening. I've turned to influential people, religious leaders, politicians, my own friends, the people around me, and there is so much silence. People are dying and we are silent.

Speaking from my own experience, and my own conversations, and my own social feeds, the majority of the silence I've seen is, sadly, from Christians - more specifically, white Christians. (Before you bite my head off, not ALL Christians I know and not ALL Christians that exist - take a breath) People who should be loving loudly and walking justly, SO many of them are nowhere to be found. Where are you? Your voices are needed, why aren't you speaking up? Pastors, teachers, reverent churchgoers, "prayer warriors," healers, so-called activists, counselors, and missionaries. People who are called to fight injustice. Nothing. Not a word. And that makes me angry. I'm really struggling with it, and I want to be honest about that. It's situations like this where I wrestle, in very deep ways, with the label of "Christian," because of the silence I so often see, from the people I call my "brothers and sisters in Christ." Why? Because silence is compliance with the oppressor, and sadly, the actions from these types of Christians are not new. For a long, long, long, long time, countless Christians have contributed, through violence AND silence, to oppression, patriarchy, racism, and murder, instead of seeking justice, freedom, equality, and love for all. (Let's not forget that there were people who used the Bible to forbid interracial marriages and to justify slavery, among so many other things) So much of the time, Christian behavior resembles the opposite of Christ, and it's upsetting. We're not doing what we should be doing. We are failing to act like Christ. (I include myself in this, because there have been times where I could have done better, I could have done MORE, or said more, or listened more, or spoken louder, or was more compassionate, or loved in better ways, and I failed. I am learning, but I can always do more)

You know what Christ would do? The non-white, ultimately-killed-at-the-hands-of-oppressors Jesus would be in the middle of it all. He would be in it. He would be out in the streets, with the people, listening to their voices, protesting with them. He would be angry and heartbroken. He would be comforting the ones who are hurting. He would be crying out for justice and he would weep that a teenager was violently taken from his family. He would hold that family in his arms, speaking words of love over them and apologizing for what has been done to them... I'm sorry you lost your baby. I'm sorry he didn't matter to them. He matters to me. He would be cleaning up wounds. He would have tear gas in his eyes. He would be raging against power structures and the officers clubbing civilians. He would be demanding - something must be done. He would be in and among the oppressed, standing up to the oppressors. He would be an ally. He would raise his voice to speak the truth: Black lives matter.

Jesus would not condone or justify racism and injustice.
Jesus would be speaking, crying, standing up.
Jesus would not be silent.

We should be following that lead. And we're not. We can't set down our privilege for one second to even TRY and understand what's going on here. We can't see through our privilege to love others or offer a helping hand, the way Jesus would. Instead, we're trampling the oppressed with our silence, and that sends a message that so loudly says, You are not worthy of my words, my voice, and my support.

There is NO Jesus in that. There is no love in that. Do not neglect, abandon, and stay silent in the name of Jesus. That is despicable.

What a horribly devastating tragedy. What an injustice.

Today, I saw a lot of "I'm so tired of hearing about racism" comments from white people, mostly white Americans, and to them I would say: imagine being on the receiving end of racism every day of your life. Imagine how weary you would feel. Imagine the constant fear, humiliation, abuse, and terror. Honestly, the privileged have the luxury of being tired of hearing about racism. But actual victims of racism? They don't get to be tired. They have to keep going. They can't be tired because they're too busy fighting the power, fighting to be heard, fighting for equality, fighting for each other, fighting for their lives. I'm sure exhaustion is deep in their bones and their soul, and yet, they keep going. They keep fighting. They keep marching, protesting, and living out loud. Amazing how we expect so much from the battered, the oppressed, and the hurting. Who's there for THEM? When will THEY get to rest?

If you're tired of hearing about racism, or Ferguson, or Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin or the countless other black lives we have lost so unjustly, you're missing the point and you're part of the problem. If all you have to say is, "Be peaceful and calm in your protests, like MLK" you are clueless and you are corrupting MLK's message. (Yes, he was peaceful, and he was killed anyway) Why do we demand so much restraint from the oppressed and so little from the oppressors? If all you're feeling is "tired" of the conversations, the media coverage, the marches, the calls to action, and the cries against injustice, if ALL you feel is "annoyed," my heart breaks at your ignorance and your complete lack of care and disregard for human rights and human lives - scratch that, black rights and black lives.

Instead of being tired, be loving. Be mindful. Be attentive. Be compassionate. Be proactive. BE OUTRAGED. For the love of all that is holy, be outraged! Be horrified, disgusted, ashamed, absolutely terrified that this kind of violence happens in our country, over and over again, and it has since the very beginning. Our country (that I was born in, that I call my home), whether you want to hear it or not, was founded on murder, violence, oppression, and inequality. That's the truth. Open your eyes. Really look at what's happening right now. Be more concerned with black lives being destroyed than of properties being destroyed. (Lives are so much more important) Listen to black voices. Listen. What they have to say is much more important than anything I could ever even attempt to put into words, because they are living this every day. Educate yourself (no one is obligated to teach you, you have to do the work). Be helpful, be an ally, but avoid the "White Hero Complex." Reach out your hand and say, "I'm sorry, I'm here for you, I stand with you, what can I do to help?" Turn to your fellow privileged brothers and sisters, and tell THEM what you've learned. Tell THEM to help in dismantling the harmful, dangerous power structures and institutions that dehumanize and destroy black life. Tell THEM to help in ending systemic, anti-black racism. DEMAND. SHOUT. WAKE PEOPLE UP. Do not hide in your privileged, safe bubble in silence. Silence. Is. Compliance.

"When these are the institutions that govern us, when black life is disposable, when black bodies are guilty before and after being proven innocent, when there is no recourse for injustice or even a belief that injustice has been done, when these institutions actively work to push inequality, we are dealing with something much more dangerous than a personal beef with blackness.

The control of black bodies is foundational to American democracy. It is a structural reality. Our institutions are built to protect that reality. White supremacy is our core identity. Ignoring this reality prevents us from building an alternate reality. Ignoring the reality of racism only makes us more racist." - Mychal Denzel Smith

Use your voice. Voices of all kinds are needed, so speak up. Be angry. Be absolutely, completely terrified. Be heartbroken that our justice system has never intended on serving black lives, and once again, does not view black lives as worthy of justice, a fair trial, or their time. Let that outrage you. Stay outraged.

We cannot have peace, if we don't have justice. No justice, no peace.

Black lives matter. They matter, they matter, they matter, they matter, they matter, they matter, they matter. They matter. They matter. They matter. You matter.

Ferguson, protestors, the Brown family, and those of you who have experienced racism and are fighting every day to make justice and equality known (or are devastatingly, but understandably, shrinking into the shadows to protect yourselves from danger, harm, death) - I stand with you. I'm sorry. I'm reaching out my hands, my arms. You have my voice. You have my heart. The candles I light are for Michael, for Ferguson, for you.

I won't be silent. I won't.