Dealing with rejection || Monday Confessions

Rejection just doesn't feel good. No matter who you are and where you live at some point in life you will experience the painful rejection, in love life, school, work, it always feels like a punch at our ego leaving us feeling hurt and upset. You might be thinking that rejection isn't really a part of your life, but I sure can name a lot of examples, that unanswered text you sent him, application for a job that wasn't successful, any kind of no which feels like closes the door you really wanted to go through. Its all part of our life and sometimes can feel that the life is over when he shows no interest in you. I wanted to tell you my stories and why I think that when one door closes other just opens for everyone. In my last Monday Confessions post someone mentioned that in these posts I am just bragging and talking how I did everything right all the time. I am not sure why that came across, but it certainly was not the intention. In each and every one of them I tell you my stories in which I didn't succeed at first, but from which I learned, in order to help you learn from my experiences. I certainly made so many mistakes in life, in both private, love and business life, but I made sure I learn from them in order to grow. I already told you that I faced rejection from very young age in THIS post, it wasn't easy being a new kid on the block, with a different accent and language, but you now know how I overcame that and finally fit in perfectly, now being able to say that I have most amazing friends anyone can wish for. Rejection started really hurting when I was a teenager, I guess there is a reason they call it the most vulnerable age. I remember when I was 17 there was this boy that I thought was everything. Up until then I can easily say I had everything I wanted in life, I was a great student, had the best grades, 5 best friends that I would always go out with, best parties, social life, and then I met him. He seemed perfect. And I just knew thats it. My friends and I spent so many weeks talking about him, they all gave me hope by saying they are pretty sure he would like me back and I was nervous. This idea of a boy I didn't even know that well grew in my head, and I just liked him more and more, little did I know that it was really nothing at all. We started texting, and the hopes were raising, I would see him regularly every weekend in the most popular club in town, this story kept going on all until one day when my best friend called me to say she would like to talk to me. He opened up to her, saying that he knows Im into him, but that he actually likes her. The pain of rejection was just unbearable. I remember thinking I don't want anyone else, I only want him and that there is none else in this world that could ever fill the huge gap I felt at the time. It feels even worse being a teenager, because you don't have enough experience to know that actually experiences like this make us grow and seem so funny when we are older. I didn't suffer for a long time, but I am a type of person that doesn't discuss her problems. I would never say I'm hurting or sad, even if I am, because my pride doesn't allow me to. I also like to be the one helping everyone else, but feel very awkward if people try to help me. Eight years later, I learned that its important to share your feelings, and to tell people around you when you are hurting, upset or heartbroken, its actually a huge part of heeling. I know that this story is now dated a little bit, but up until today I have faced many many rejections which made me into a person I am today. There is the reason why its called a heartbreak, because rejection can make you feel physically in pain, thinking that you will never ever get over something or someone and it will haunt you forever. Trust me If I got over some of my life events everyone will. I learned that recipe for getting stronger is just occupying yourself with something else, redirect the energy of that pain into productive force, I sure have in the past and it does wonders. I think we all know that energy can not be destroyed, but it can change the shape or form. This might be slightly philosophical, but I always decide to use the energy that I have for self-pity or crying and to change it into the energy for working, because work is the best therapy one can have for any kind of grief. How about being rejected at work? When I moved to England at 18, I spent 7 months applying to different jobs, I applied to over 20 different roles, and always got the same old "Someone else is better for the job". Did I give up? Certainly not, I kept applying and applying until one day all of sudden I got 3 job offers at once. I used the grief of every single NO to drive myself more, not to let my ego tell me to stop. Ego is never a good thing. Its important to stay humble, but not to get depressed or to let rejection stop you in what you want. I come from a place where people tell me there are no jobs, you need a connection for everything and you need to be politically active. However I know many people who got jobs or who graduated without any of the above. They might not be at their dream job at 25, but they are certainly getting experience and earning some money. How? Because they don't use the same excuse as everyone else does "Its hard time, recession has gotten to everyone and there are no jobs", but are grabbing the jobs, while others are finding excuses. I know its not always easy, rejection can be painful and its the worse when you experience it from people you love the most. It can be really painful going through an argument with someone that means everything to you, but having an ego will never take you anywhere in life. You are only hurting one person-yourself, so use that energy of being hurt into something productive, something amazing and become that person you always wanted to be. Months or years later you will be very grateful for every rejection that happened to you, as you will take the best you can out of every experience. Cheers to rejections for making us stronger, better and wiser and for transforming us into amazing human beings. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biti odbijen je nesto sto moze cesto da nas pogodi. Bez obzira ko ste i gde zivite nekada u zivotu cete iskusiti bolno odbijanje, u ljubavnom zivotu, u skoli, na poslu u bilo kom aspektu zivota, odbijenica je kao neki udarac u ego koji nam ostavlja bolne modrice. Mozda mislite da nikada zapravo niste bili odbijeni u zivotu, ali ja sigurno mogu da vam nabrojim mnogo primera. Ta poruka koju si mu poslala a on nije odgovorio, aplikacija za posao koja nije bila uspesna, bilo koja vrsta reci "NE" koja vam zatvara vrata kroz koja ste bas zeleli proci. Sve je to deo naseg zivota a ja sam svedok da mi zene mozemo biti ubedjene da je zivot gotov onog trenutka kada on ne pokaze interesovanje. Zelim da vam ispricam moje prica i zasto ja mislim da kada se jedna vrata zatvore, druga se zaista otvore. U poslednjoj Ispovesti Ponedeljkom neko je spomenuo da se ja samo hvalim u ovim postovima i da pricam kako sam ja uvek radila sve ispravno. Nisam sigurna zasto bi se to nekome ucinilo, ali svakako mi nije bila namera. Poenta ovih postova jeste da vam otvorim dusu i ispricam o svojim poteskocama ili pricama koje nisu imale uspesan ishod, ali iz kojih sam mnogo toga naucila. Definitivno sam napravila mnogo gresaka u zivotu, privatnom i poslovnom, ali sam iz njih izvukla pouku kako bih rasla i razvijala se kao osoba. Vec sam vam rekla kako sam se suocila sa prvom odbijenicom od strane drustva u OVOM postu, nije bilo lako biti nov u skoli kada govorite drugacije i poticete iz drugacije porodice, ali znate i sami sta sam izvukla iz toga da bih sada imala najbolje prijatelje u tom istom gradu koje bi svako mogao pozeleti. Odbijanje od strane ljudi me je pocelo istinski boleti tek kada sam bila u pubertetu, a to je valjda razlog zasto ove godine zovu "najosetljivijim" Secam se kada sam imala 17 godina, upoznala sam decka za kojeg sam mislila da je najsavrseniji na svetu. Slobodno mogu reci da sam imala sve u zivotu, bila sam odlican djak, imala dobre ocene, 5 najboljih drugarica sa kojima sam svugde isla, najbolje zurke, drustveni zivot, a onda sam upoznala njega. Cinio mi se bez mane. Tada sam mislila da je to TO. Moji prijatelji i ja smo provodili nedelje pricajuci o njemu, a oni su mi ulivali nadu da cu se i ja njemu sigurno dopasti. Zapravo sam se vremenom zaljubila u ideju o njemu, a ne i samog njega, ali je sve ovo raslo u mojoj glavi iz dana u dan, a ja nisam ni sumnjala da je to jedno veliko nista. Poceli smo se dopisivati, nada u meni je rasla, vidjala sam ga svakog vikenda u najpopularnijem klubu u gradu, ova prica se razvijala i razvijala sve do jednog dana, kada me je najbolja drugarica pozvala i sa ocajem u glasu rekla da moramo da razgovaramo. Priznala mi je da joj se otvorio i rekao kako zna da sam ja zainteresovana za njega, ali da je on zainteresovan za nju. Tada sam shvatila bol odbijenice. Secam se da sam mislila kako ne zelim nikog drugog, da samo zelim njega jer na ovom svetu ne postoji niko ko bi mogao ispuniti ovu veliku prazninu. Jos je gore kada ste tinejdzer, jer nemate dovoljno iskustva kako biste znali da zahvaljujuci ovim iskustvima rastemo i kako je to sve mnogo smesno za samo nekoliko meseci ili godina. Nisam dugo patila, ali posto sam ja osoba koja ne raspravlja o svojim problemima ni sa kim, verovatno je to duze trajalo nego inace. Nikada se ne otvaram da kazem da sam povredjena ili tuzna, jer mi ponos to ne dozvoljava. Takodje volim da budem osoba koja pomaze drugima, ali kada neko zeli meni da pomogne ili da savet, odjednom se osecam neprijatno. Osam godina kasnije, naucila sam da je jako bitno priznati svoja osecanja, sebi a i drugima oko sebe. Priznati ako ste povredjeni, slomljenog srca ili jednostavno tuzni, to je najbitniji deo isceljenja. Znam da je ova prica prilicno stara u mom zivotu, ali do sada sam iskusila mnogo raznih odbijanja koja su me napravila osobom koja sam danas. Postoji razlog zasto se kaze "slomljeno srce", a ja sam svedok da to moze da bude veoma bolno, cak toliko da se bol moze ciniti fizicki prisutan, ne samo psihicki. Osecaj da nikada necete preboleti nesto i da ce vas to pratiti zauvek nije stvaran. Naucila sam da se u zivotu postaje jaci kada se okupirate drugim aktivnostima, kada preusmerite energiju bola na nesto drugo i pretvorite to u produktivnu energiju. Mislim da svi znamo da energija ne moze biti unistena, ali moze promeniti svoj oblik. Ovo mozda zvuci malo filozofski, ali ja uvek odlucim da energiju koju imam za samo sazaljevanje ili tugovanje, pretvorim u energiju za rad, jer je rad najbolja terapija za bilo koji bol. A sta je sa odbijenicama na poslu? Kada sam se preselila u Englesku sa 18 godina, provela sam 7 meseci aplicirajuci na razne poslove. Primila sam preko 20 odbijenica i uvek isto pismo "Odlucili smo se za nekog drugog". Da li sam odustala? Niposto, nastavila sam da apliciram, sve dok jednog dana odjednom nisam dobila 3 ponude u isto vreme. Iskoristila sam bes i nezadovoljstvo svake odbijenice da se nateram da zelim vise i da radim jos. Nisam dozvolila egu da me zaustavi, jer ego nikada nije dobra stvar, najbitnije je ostati cvrsto na zemlji, ali ne postati depresivan kada primite mnogo odbijenica u isto vreme. Kao sto znate, poticem iz zemlje gde ljudi samo pricaju o tome kako posla nema, kako je veza neophodna za sve i da morate biti politicki aktivni. Ipak ja znam mnogo ljudi iz mog okruzenja koji su diplomirali i dobili poslove bez icega gore pomenutog. Mozda ne rade svoj posao iz snova sa 25 godina, ali svakako sticu iskustvo i zaradjuju pare. Kako? Tako sto ne koriste iste izgovore kao i ostatak drzave i tako sto ih cuveno "teska su vremena" ne sputava, jer oni grabe poslove dok drugi traze izgovore. Znam da nije lako. Biti odbijen moze biti prilicno bolno, a najgore je kada to iskusite od ljudi koje mnogo volite. I dan danas me jako zaboli ako prolazim kroz svadju sa nekim do koga mi je stalo, sa nekim ko mi je sve na svetu, ali ego vas u tim situacijama nece nigde dovesti. Samo povredjuje jednu osobu a to ste vi, zato iskoristite tu energiju bola za nesto korisno, preusmerite je na rad na sebi kako biste postali ososba koja zelite da budete. Nekoliko meseci ili godina kasnije bicete zahvalni na svemu pa i za odbijenice koju ste primili u zivotu. Zato podignite case pred kraj godine za svako NE, jer vas je ucinilo jacim, boljim i pametnijim i jer nas je sve transformisalo u kvalitetnija ljudska bica.

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