I Am ~ I Am Not

How has it been nearly two weeks since my little VE has been born?

I have to admit I'm not in the same fog I was when EM was born.
Recovery has been SOOO much better and easier this time around.
But I still find myself over-doing things easily.
It's my tendency to try to live up to my own expectations.


Has every generation had a Super-Mom complex? You know, the expectation that you can do everything for everyone and still come out looking great? I know the internet has a tendency of glossing over the ugly and only showing the beautiful. And when you have a blog and have the choice of showing something pretty, why would you show something that isn't? It makes sense that women all over the place look like they have it completely together and perfect. Thankfully many of them admit that it's not reality. And I certainly hope none of my dear readers think that of me. Because I'm far from perfect, as is my home!

I often think I can do way more than I can realistically do. Even now, I'm almost two weeks out from having had a natural birth with no medications whatsoever. In fact I've only taken Ibuprofen 3x since the birth (I tend to develop a tolerance quickly, so I only take it when really needed). And I don't say that to gloat...far from it! I say it to remind myself that I JUST had a baby. And it was painful! Things are healing wonderfully, and are still healing. That doesn't happen overnight. Hear that self? Not happening overnight! Or even in one week!

Today I've had multiple breakdowns. I'm not the Super-Mom I want to be. My Handsome Hubby is still getting groceries (so that I don't have to leave the house during a frigid MN winter with one or two Littles under the age of 2, and have to carry everything into the house on my own), is often making dinner (because I can only stand for so long during the day right now - still healing), and is the primary person who does dishes (we don't have a sink in our lower level of the house, and carrying stacks of dishes upstairs is heavy and, yeah, see previous note about standing). I long to have the creativeness and stamina to cook again. I long to take back groceries and the ability to carry heavy things. (Yeah that my Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction is almost completely gone!!)

Two Littles who, amazingly so, seem to alternate in needing my attention also take up most of my time. But that Handsome Hubby who does all those things for us? He never complains. Not once. He is so thankful that I'm at home taking care of our Littles that he is happy to help me in anyway he can. To quote him tonight, "You work all day taking care of the kids. How is my working all day different? How is it fair that I can come home and sit and you have to keep working?" That's a wonderful man right there. One I feel more blessed to be married to each day.

I have this spreadsheet link on my desktop. The name of the file is the same as this post. I have three columns: I Am Not, I Am, Bonus. In the first one I have listed things that I have often wished I could be. In the second column I have listed the reality of who I am in context to the first column. Then in the last column I have typed out why it's awesome that I am the way I am.

For example: I Am Not: a stick figure. I AM: Curvy. Bonus: Hubby loves my curves. By the time I finish reading the last column in that row I usually have a smile on my face.

Tonight as I sat down at my computer and mentally beating myself up for not meeting my own expectations I saw the thumbnail for this spreadsheet and opened it. The last comments listed...
I Am Not: Super-Mom. I Am: A mom who wants the best for my family. Bonus: I don't have to have everything done, ready, prepped, and perfect.
And honestly, that's a relief. Now I just need to believe it. Besides, Hubby loves me just the way I am, believes in me when I don't, and my family is well taken care of.
Anyone else out there plagued by a Super-Mom complex? Or even not living up to your own unrealistic expectations of yourself?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you my dearest Hubby for everything you do. I can't, nor do I want to, imagine sharing this lifetime with anyone else.