Paranoid Android

Sometimes I wonder if the horrible things said to me by an ex are true.

Like when he used to say I acted as if the whole world were against me. I used to wonder where he got this theory from given that he’d never sat down and spoken to me about it. I guess he just thought it was part of my overall demeanor.

Now I think he might be right.

Sometimes, when something really hurtful happens I wonder if I really am just the worst person in the world and all I can envisage doing is hiding under the table, licking my wounds until people forget about it.

I hate confrontation too, and if I could just get over that maybe I’d feel better. I hate being so mad at someone that I can’t even cobble together a “You’ve hurt me”* response.

I guess at 36, I’m still not quite grown up.

*”Go fuck yourself”