Dating in the 21st Century

Having been out the dating game for quite some time now I was fascinated to chat to a single friend of mine about dating in the 21st century. The fact my dating history actually slips into a completely different century makes me feel rather older than I am but it seems dating these days is a WHOLE different ball game.

Up until more recent years, dating seemed a little more cut and dried and your options were comparatively more limited. Generally, you either met someone in a bar or club, through a friend, at university, at work or maybe at the gym or through a night class. A very small number of people I know were childhood sweethearts who went onto marry, but for most of us, the other options were the more traditional ways to meet and hopefully fall in love.

Before the invention of online dating, there were (and apparently still are) the dating agencies, where you paid a fee to join, in the hope that you would be suitably matched with your perfect partner.

Owner of a Lonely Heart..

There was also the ‘lonely hearts’ pages at the back of

the local newspaper where people looking for love, friendship or something a little more ‘casual’ could write a tiny little paragraph about themselves and there ‘requirements’. Some were bravely saucy: “Hot blonde looking for fun with tall dark and handsome” (that wasn’t one of mine by the way…) or the more conservative lonely heart wrote a more discerning brief: “Handsome 40 something looking for friendship or love with attractive lady. Must have GSOH (good sense of humour) and like animals”.

If they were brave they left an actual phone number…if not, they left a rather secretive PO Box number. There were no photos and the information about the person writing the ad was alarmingly limited. It took one brave cookie to go on one of those dates…from either side. Who was going to be waiting at the bar wearing a red carnation as a cue to recognise them…would it be a hot Rob Lowe lookalike or Quasimodo having a bad hair day? Your chances for the former seemed somewhat limited…

Whatever the outcome, finding love in the lonely hearts section of your newspaper seemed like a desperate measure and was a relatively secret affair for most.

Then some twenty years ago, online dating was born. The first major Internet dating Web site is widely held to be the combination of kiss.com and match.com, which were both registered by the same person in 1994 and 1995 respectively. Back then though, online dating was still considered well, a bit embarrassing, for when you’re desperate. If you did meet someone online and started going out, there was a good chance when asked, you’d say you met in the pub.

These days however, social media and online dating sites play a huge role in helping people find their love match. It opens up a whole new world of possible mates to you, that you otherwise would never have met. It is now considered the social norm and if you’re currently single and on the dating scene then you will no doubt have heard of, or be using, the dating app Tinder, which has become hugely popular since it’s conception in 2012.

How Tinder works

I had never heard of Tinder until recently. In a nutshell, it’s basically like sweetie shopping for hotties based on their proximity to you. You download the Tinder app to your phone, upload a profile of yourself with a brief description and add a photo. It finds your location based on your GPRS tracking system and then sends you profiles of potential matches in your area which you can narrow down by searching on distance and age.

Depending on whether you like the look of the person in the photo or not, you swipe right for ‘LIKE’ or left for ‘NOPE’ (in which case they disappear off your screen and you move onto the next profile). If the person you’ve liked likes you back then you have a ‘Match’ and you are then given the opportunity to send each other a message and go from there.

Tinder has been widely criticised however for being no more than a quick ‘hook up’ app with many men on there looking purely for casual sex. So you may need to be more wary if it’s a serious relationship you’re looking for.

Like any app, there’s also the likelihood that many are using it a bit like a game, with the fun and thrill coming from the method of simply shopping and swiping. If you’re not getting matched I imagine it could also be pretty demoralising! That said, 450 million profiles are viewed on Tinder everyday and there has apparently been many a relationship that has materialised thanks to the app. I guess it’s just a case of going into it with your eyes open to the pros and cons therefore.

Online Dating

If Tinder doesn’t float your boat, fear not, there are online dating sites for everyone it would appear! There are ones for divorcees, young people, old people, large people, people in uniform, rich people, short people, sugar daddies and sugar babies (sorry what?)…the list goes on! Oh and not forgetting speed dating which as many will know, is an organised social activity in which people seeking romantic relationships have a series of short conversations with potential partners in order to determine whether there is mutual interest…Wow…so much choice!!

Hmmm…With so much to choose from, it does make me wonder though whether dating in today’s world has become a bit too competitive? An element of commitment is based on the availability of alternatives. If there are lots of alternatives at your fingertips then doesn’t it make it all a little too easy to move onto the next one without so much as a backward glance? Are we all becoming a little too disposable? From an outsider looking in, it kind of feels that way.

Online dating has apparently made a lot more people feel they are part of a larger mating pool than they were used to. Which means although it’s opened up many more possibilities, there’s also the chance it’s opening you up to many more rejections too. I can see some self esteem issues being created here…

Like it or loathe it though, online dating is most certainly here to stay. So, if you’re single or looking for love then the world it would seem is your oyster. You can now shout about it loud and proud rather than hide behind a PO Box number in a lonely hearts column feeling desperate…even Quasimodo’s getting dates!! Good on you Quasi!