Sup, freckles?

This supermarket has so many varieties of toilet paper, it's freaking me out. My instinct is to choose the cheapest variety but I worry about my butt. I've been standing here for nearly 12 minutes worrying about my butt. What does my butt want? What if I settle for the most thrifty toilet paper option and my butt gets really grumpy about it? What if my butts starts to think, hey if you don't care anymore I don't care anymore, and poops and farts all day long? Can a butt do that?