I have a new job & there’s no better title.
I don’t know what’s going to happen in the coming months but I’m learning to trust & hope that something really wonderful is just waiting around the corner.
-from my post on July 1st
I held tight to the hope that SAS might be able to bring me on full-time after two contract extensions. The day my manager told me for sure that I would not be hired permamently, that they simply could not get the req, I felt my heart split. It was a painful reaction, best left behind me with the hour of sobbing in my car & a few evenings of sitting on my couch under a blanket.
There’s a moment after the rejection where you feel worthless, absolutely worthless to society. I felt that so many times over the past year that it started creeping into my day-to-day life & my other relationships. As my self-confidence dwindled, I gained weight & stopped sleeping well & pulled back from other relationships. My friends were more successful than me, happier & luckier, & I simply struggled to breathe the same air.
I read in TIME the other week that losing a job can be the most damaging hit to a person’s self-worth. I agree, but I’d like to add in job hunting as a nose-to-nose second place. It’s a daily Meredith Grey plea of pick me, choose me, love me…& recurring rejection.
I took two months off Babble because every spare minute in my day was dedicated to applying & interviewing. It’s not enough to have one resume – each job needs a tailored resume to beat the filter system. (I’ve become exceptionally skilled at beating the filter.) Each position requires a cover letter, which nobody reads but is still required. Then the first interview, which is over the phone & usually taken in my hot car over a lunch break. Then the second interview, which requires deeper research into the company itself. Then the third. Then the fourth. Plus a project to show your skills, a portfolio for the potential employer to peruse. By the time I received the rejection email, I had usually invested a solid 15-20 hours per company.
I stopped counting somewhere around the 20th company & just kept interviewing. I considered putting “professional interviewer” on my resume.
There were a few moments of hilarity when a company literally salivated at the mouth over my resume…but turned me down because my college GPA was not high enough.
Or that time I ate a cheese stick before a two-hour interview & forgot to bring a mint.
Or when I had to explain to a CEO why I was fired & there was an awful, horrible long pause…until he started laughing so hard he held his sides, then assured me he knew how to call a cab.
Or when I had to read a 300 page book in 24 hours for an interview.
Or when I ran into my freshman year Sadie Hawkins date in the lobby while I was on a fourth interview. I hadn’t seen him in ten years & hey! remember that time I had whispy bangs & we danced to “My Heart Will Go On?” mind giving me a recommendation?
Or that time when the first 45 minutes of an interview had me fearing for my life, & the last 15 minutes wondering if she was going to ask to braid my hair.
It’s been quite a ride, friends.
Last Friday, I received an offer from a social media consulting firm & on Tuesday morning, I signed the papers & officially accepted. I’ll be working as a community manager, “owning” a specific client on a specific vertical. I’ll be the gal behind a Facebook page, a Twitter account, the metrics, the reports, etc. Which means that eventually, I can say that I am a “social media expert” without needing to put $20 in the douchebag jar. Who would have dreamed even five years ago that doing social media full-time as a respectable career would even be a thing?!
But when I spoke to the team & looked around the office, I thought, “These are my people.” After almost two years of wandering, of self-doubt & growing, I think I found my new home.
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