life right meow [sincerely, sophie]

dear diary,
well, it appears that for some reason, my girl human catnapped me earlier this week... and not at all in a good way! all i know is, one minute i was going into a super fun box to snuggle in, and the next minute some other strange humans were knocking me unconscious! what! who were these people? spies? aliens? criminals? circus members? i may never know. although, i can kind of recall a similar event happening when i was a kitten. never figured that one out!
anyway, when i came-to later on that day, i was really groggy and confused... and then i realized that my entire lower half was on fire! but it wasn't. but it was! but it wasn't. but it was! the burn! it had to be! at some point in my confusion, i wound up back at home, and i've been with my humans and minniefluff, safe and sound, for a few days now. girl human keeps acting like she didn't want to catnap me, so i'm just not really sure what all that was about. she is usually such a good and snuggly human... if it weren't for all the pain i'm in, i'd think maybe it was just a bad dream!
oh, and for a couple of days, i had this huge cone around my head, so i just gave up on life. what is life when you're forced into a cone of depression? i couldn't eat or drink, and cat litter got stuck to my face! fortunately, girl human removed it and gave me a decent shirt to wear, so i feel that i'm starting to gain some of my dignity back... except for when i have to peepee, meoowww, HELP, help me! help, this is terrible. and then maybe help my girl human, or at least offer her some coffee. she's clearly becoming delirious.
sincerely yours, sophie the cat


(*girl human's note: cat bladder surgery is way worse than spaying! skip coffee. send wine!)