“I’m not creepy, I swear”

Writes our submitter in Texas: “We live on a military installation, where the housing is notoriously small and right on top of each other. We’ve gotten to know our neighbors very well, and the author of this note is most likely someone we consider a good friend.”

Our submitter humble-brags that yes, his wife is incredibly attractive, but insists that her clothing isn’t overtly “sexy” — tank tops and shorts, yes, but not crop tops and hot pants. However, he says, “Since we discovered this on Friday, my wife has taken to wearing baggy t-shirts and sweatpants when she’s out in the yard. I don’t blame her one bit.”

Amping up the creepiness factor, our submitter adds that his wife DOES own a pair of pink shoes – but she’s never worn them outside the house.

related: (Don’t fear) the creeper