Keepin' It Real *Back to School Edition*
Today another school year started. (At least in our little town) ... It's a chilly day. Feels like Fall outside, so it's fitting I suppose!
A couple days ago I was at the salon getting a pedicure (my first! I know.. I suck! Need to do more things for ME... working on that! Thank you again, Gwenie!)
A little girl came in with her Mom. She had long, curly blonde locks. Cutest little thing! I kept glancing over as she got her hair washed, and then as her haircut began. I heard the hairdresser ask her if this was her first year of school. "Yep! Kindergarten!", she replied. She had the sweetest little voice.... "I even got to meet my teacher and see my classroom already!" She was so excited. It made me smile.
The hairdresser asked how old she was, and she said "FIVE!". She said it so proudly. My heart sank at that moment.... She's 5. Aidan just turned 5. I thought - so that's how big Aidan would be, how big he should be. I watched her. I imagined Aidan being that size.
He should be getting his 'school haircut'. I wish I could hear him talk excitedly about going to school. It tore my heart out to hear this pretty little girl talk about all the things she was going to do and learn this coming year. I looked over at the Mom and she was beaming with pride. You could tell she was over-the-moon happy for her girl, yet sad to see her off to school... End of a chapter, beginning of a new one.
I thought of Ty following behind Aidan, when it came time for his first year of school. Two brothers with backpacks that looked too heavy/big for their cute little frames. Aidan looking out for his little bro. Showing him the way... I suppose in a way Aidan has paved the way for Ty. Just not in the way we had expected. He has paved the way medically for us, so we knew what to expect when Ty came along. But man, how sweet would it be to see them walking off to school together?!
My mind then flashed to Cole and the day when he leaves for school. Oh, I will be a mess! I want to wrap him up & put him in my pocket forever! He is whizzing through his toddler years. Once school starts, that's it - they are off and running! I know Cole will do so well. He will love school. One day it will be him in that chair, getting his hair cut. Talking happily about kindergarten! Right then the thought caused an anxiousness in my heart. Sure, it is still 3 years away.. But a Mama can panic, right?! Ha!
It seems these days I rarely have time to write, to reflect. The moments I am able to make time for are usually the happy moments. But there are times of sadness, of anxiety, of wonderment... what if's. I wouldn't be 'keeping it real' if I only made time to mention the birthdays/holidays/happy times.
Thankfully the majority of moments are happy ones, but there are days & times.. A certain moment, an overheard conversation, a certain song or commercial - can flash before my eyes like a snapshot. Bringing up fears, anxieties or sadness.
While that scene at the salon left an imprint on my heart, I can appreciate it. What's important is finding a way to cycle forward to what's happening this moment. Today. And what my boys have accomplished. And what they will achieve tomorrow.
Leaving out those blips in time.... those panic driven/heart pounding/tear jerking parts.... Well, it wouldn't be honest writing if I left them out. They provide the bigger picture. They are part of the whole picture. Without them I wouldn't appreciate & love all the happy, amazing, prideful times. It all comes full circle. You can't have one without the other.
One of my gorgeous morning views.
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