emotional motherhood confessions

Last week was kind of a rough one with this little one. We had two good days and three bad ones.
Very bad ones. "Making me second guess having another kid" bad ones.
I have been at a loss of how to teach this boy. I feel like I have tried everything when it comes to teaching, training, discipline, consequences... And nothing works.
Which quite honestly scares me to feel so out of control with another one on the way.
And out of control I feel everrrrrrryday.
I hate feeling angry.
I hate feeling upset.
I hate feeling overwhelmed. I hate feeling mean & unloving. I hate feeling like a terrible mom. A feeling that sticks with me 24/7.
I love this boy so much and I hate that I don't know how to help him. I also hate that I feel like no matter how much love I show him, he can dish out the attitude and misbehavior all day long.
But I do. I do love him so much. Even on the days I think I don't cause he neverrrrr listens.
I just hope and pray that he remembers me as a mom who loves him instead of as a mom that yelled at him for not listening all day long.
But maybe I already ruined that hope?
Not that you have to totally validate me... but I can't be the only one that has these thoughts, right??
(okay maybe I want to feel validated a little...)

//end thoughts of a crazy emotional pregnant lady