March Fabness 2014: Final Four, Part 1

When you play the Game of Fabness, you win… or you die.

LUPITA NYONG’O vs. CATE BLANCHETT

Lupita’s dress by Jonathan Cohen; Cate’s dress by Fausto Puglisi

LUPITA: Purple and white on a black background? I’m not sure I recognize that Westerosi sigil, Lady Cate.

CATE: Well, I’m not wearing my house’s colors at the moment, but can’t you tell anyway?

Lupita’s dress, purse, and shoes by Proenza Schouler; Cate’s dress by Maison Martin Margiela, shoes by Casadei

LUPITA: No, I’m afraid not, Lady Cate.

CATE: I have blonde hair, two golden statues (I call them “Oscar”), and I’m sharp-tongued and vain. Isn’t it clear I’m a Lannister?

Lupita’s dress by Vivienne Westwood, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Cate’s dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

LUPITA: Did you say you have only two golden statues?

CATE: Well, how many do you have?

Lupita’s dress by Cushnie et Ochs, purse by Devi Kroell, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Cate’s jacket and dress by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Christian Louboutin

LUPITA: That’s not the point. I just thought “all the gold in Casterly Rock” would mean a bit more than two gold statues. Unless you’re one of those Lannisters from Lannisport?

CATE: How dare you!

Lupita’s dress by Peter Pilotto, purse by Michael Nelson, shoes by Manolo Blahnik; Cate’s dress and shoes by Armani Privè

LUPITA: There’s no need to get so defensive, Lady Cate.

CATE: And what would you know of the noble houses of the Seven Kingdoms? What are you, some dancer from the Summer Islands?

Lupita’s dress by Prabal Gurung, purse by Charlotte Olympia, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Cate’s gown by Roksanda Ilincic

LUPITA: For your information, I am Queen Lupita of House Beyoncé, the first of her name.

CATE: I – oh – my goodness – Your Grace, I can’t believe I didn’t know it was you!

Lupita’s dress by Christian Dior, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Paul Andrew; Cate’s gown by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin

LUPITA: You may have failed to recognize the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, but I’m sure you will remember my house’s sigil – it looks like this:

CATE: Of course, Your Grace. Please forgive me for my ignorance, Your Grace.

Lupita’s dress by Stella McCartney, purse by Rauwolf, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Cate’s gown and purse by Lanvin

LUPITA: Did your septa teach you anything as a child? The proper style for addressing a royal from House Beyoncé is not “Your Grace.”

CATE: My deepest apologies – please, Your – um, Queen Lupita, how should I address you?

Lupita’s dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood; Cate’s gown by Prabal Gurung

LUPITA: “Your Flawlessness.”

CATE: Yes, Your Flawlessness. Of course. Please accept my most sincere apologies, Your Flawlessness.

Lupita’s gown and purse by Calvin Klein; Cate’s gown and shoes by Balenciaga

LUPITA: You are forgiven, Lady Cate.

CATE: Thank you, Your Flawlessness. You are ever so gracious.

Lupita’s gown by Christian Dior; Cate’s gown by Alexander McQueen, purse by Roger Vivier

LUPITA: Well, I would not have become Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm if I did not know how to react to the ignorance of the lesser houses.

CATE: Yes, Your Flawlessness. Do they teach a particular method of dealing with silly ladies like myself in your noble house?

Lupita’s gown by Miu Miu; Cate’s gown by Givenchy

LUPITA: But of course. It involves eye-rolling, kiss-blowing, and waving, and looks something like this:

CATE: Ah, yes. I’ve seen it before, my lady. Perhaps on your banners, during times of battle?

Lupita’s gown by Gucci; Cate’s gown by Christian Dior

LUPITA: No, my sweet Lady Cate. During wartime, we cover our banners in a special House Beyoncé wartime sigil:

CATE: Of course, Your Flawlessness. I don’t know how I could have forgotten your wartime “bitches” sigil.

Lupita’s gown by Ralph Lauren; Cate’s gown by Armani Privé

LUPITA: Your ignorance is showing again, Lady Cate. Surely a septa or maester taught you the words of House Beyoncè?

CATE: I – Your Flawlessness, I’m sure I was taught them, but my mind is failing me at the moment.

Lupita’s gown by Prada; Cate’s gown by Armani Privé

LUPITA: As I’m sure it will many more times in the future. Know these words, Lady Cate, for they are the words of my noble house: “Bow down, bitches.”

CATE: Yes, Your Flawlessness. It is known.