It was a busy week on the red carpet, dear readers, so treat yourself to another dose of judgment.
Previously: I decided to steal Naomi Watts’s Gucci gown for my wedding.
Photo: Stefanie Keenan/Getty
I like to minimize my use of this phrase so that it still has some meaning, but I think it applies here: OMG YAAAAAAAAAAAS.
Photo: instyle.co.uk
This is Cara Delevingne’s big sister Poppy. Unlike Cara, Poppy does not have the world’s most gorgeous eyebrows, but she is a model and fashionista in her own right. Case in point: this poncho-esque, three-tiered, mixed-printed maxidress. By all the known laws of the universe, I shouldn’t like this. But Poppy is working the shit out of it and convincing me that I need a sheer poncho gown in my life, even though I know that’s not true.
Photo: Donato Sardella/Getty
Fantastic eyeliner – she really has taken my “fire your makeup artist” advice to heart – and the earrings are to die for. There were a butt-load of stars in Bottega Veneta at a museum gala this week, but no one wore the label better than Emmy.
Photo: Donato Sardella/Getty
This dress is fantastic, and so very January. The silhouette, the textures, it’s all working. And the accessories are perfect – though if you’re going for an open-toe shoe, a pedicure is necessary. And the hair is a bit too “basic bitch” for a bitch who is anything but basic.
Photo: John Shearer/Invision/AP
Great color, interesting draping. And the shoes are a fucking work of art. I get that the hair is supposed to be windswept, but it looks more tornado-swept to me. But her eyebrow game is particularly on point this week.
Photo: vogue.co.uk
Fully adorable. This was my red carpet prediction for Chloë Moretz, but I’m glad Kiernan beat her to it. It’s absolutely gorgeous on her.
Photo: David M. Benett/Getty
Fascinating texture, surprising silhouette, and supremely chic pockets. I kind of love that the only pops of color are her hair and the yellow in her purse. It’s just a very modern look, and it’s something I haven’t seen a billion times before.
Photo: vogue.co.uk
It’s a little bit too long, but I love the watercolor-esque print and the matching blush lipstick. And although I hated her platinum locks the first time I saw them, I’m liking them more and more with each passing red carpet appearance.
Photo: Getty
Obsessed with the colorblocking, her giant smile, and her swollen feet. Girlfriend is a trooper for wearing heels under such conditions, and she’s supernatural for looking this lovely.
Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty
Fucking adorable dress, but I’m not a fan of the shoes. Also, those pregnancy hormones and prenatal vitamins are making her hair IMPOSSIBLY shiny. That is some Disney princess hair right there.
Photo: vogue.co.uk
This dress is actually very cool, but the problem might be that Mia brings no personality to it whatsoever. Usually an awesome dress can make an uninteresting star look more interesting, but she’s just sort of draining all the interest out of this outfit.
Photo: Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
It’s a little too much put together, but I’m very much enjoying the individual pieces of this look. Those shoes would be absolutely killer with a little black dress.
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty
She’s only pulling this off because she’s a supermodel. This looks like the world’s largest bib.
Photo: Rex
She looks like a Game of Thrones villain, but somehow, I don’t actually think that’s a good thing.
Photo: Sonia Moskowitz/WireImage
Sorry, Hilary, but that cut-out is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
Photo: John Shearer/Invision/AP
Julia Roberts is only 46. Why has she been dressing like a grandma for the last ten years?
Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage
Cute enough, if not particularly memorable. But maybe unmemorable is a good thing, considering what else Reese wore this week:
Photo: David M. Benett/WireImage
Fully hideous. The hair looks burnt and dated, and the makeup would have a prostitute saying, “yeah, that’s a bit much.” And this dress – Stella McCartney has designed a lot of hideous shit, but this might be her worst dress yet.