The Midst

vintage/thrifted stuff, James Rowland sandals, vintage Coach bag, Vera Meat hand necklace

Uniform while visiting back home was neutral for the most part. I wanted a quiet session back home, so I dressed the part. Evenings were rather chilly; brisk enough to remind me what autumn is bound to return as, and how crisp, dry air can render a heavy conscious relatively unburdened while taking a walk or bike ride outside.

Life after graduating has been a little difficult; relationships have shifted around with so many people and so many loved ones moving on to their respective next chapters: grad-related or otherwise. Even with a new job there are a lot of question marks that come with anxiety. I got a little depressed and lost my appetite, so I feel weak and my clothes aren't fitting right. I dunno when I'm gonna bounce back entirely, but I'm constantly being told everyone goes through something like this, which I know to be truth, but God, does it suck to be in the midst.

I know most people read blogs like this one to distract from negativity and embrace the creative, but if I've gained anything from experience, it's that one has to live with their fears, anxieties and feelings of helplessness in order to not only overcome them in time, but to also gain a sense of empathy for others who go through the same. In that vein, I'm putting my phone down more, because although it's brought me a lot to be grateful for, the sense of validation I sometimes experience through social media has made me a little numb to what's in front of me and has made "successes" out of passive interactions on Instagram and Facebook and blah, blah, blah. In the meantime, every day is an attempt towards something different, something better? I need new friends, new relationships, whatever's coming for me. Hopefully I'll look back at this post in a few months and forget what it felt like when I was writing all this reflective crap.

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