How to Fix a Minor Accidental Black Eye, Naturally.

The remaining part of the weekend after celebrating the 4th was spent being a total veg; tanning (subjectively), yoga-ing, vino-ing, cinépolis-ing, and other various -ings you can probably paint a pretty picture with.
On Saturday night however, I was so apparently vegged out that I ended up giving myself a minor accidental black eye. Oops. Story time.
My girlfriend and I had gone to one of our favorite sushi places in Del Mar, Eda-Mami, and after ordering our usual sashimi plates (Eda-Mami seriously has the best sashimi assortments, FIY, for all of you carb-free-except-when-nobody-is-looking seekers) and beverages (wine glasses as big as fish bowls), we headed over to Cinépolis to watch Tammy - really dumb movie btw, just because Melissa McCarthy is in it does not mean that it's going to be hilarious, note to self.
What was hilarious though, after the fact of course, was giving myself a minor accidental black eye.
My girlfriend and I got all cozy cuddling in our seats, drinks were on their way, and during the previews I decided that I can't wait any longer to pull out the 87% dark chocolate cacao bar(s) I had stashed in my Muse. I reach over to grab my bag, which, if you're not familiar of the size of the YSL Large Muse Handbag, is a whopping 16"x12" beast of a bag, weighted down by buffalo leather and gold hardware (not to mention my personal baggage, I mean, belongings).
Carrying around this aggressive beast is a better arm work out than my boxing sessions.
Anyway, I reach over, and end up gonking myself in the eye with the bottom corner of my bag...and the lovely gold studs protecting the leather from predators. I blame this entire situation on 99% of a lighting issue, and 1% on the bottle of wine we drank at dinner.
I toughed it out like a champ and only blurted out a couple profanities.
It wasn't until I came home that I faced, quite literally, a giant shiner that shined like my lip gloss. Winner.

Moral of the story, should you find yourself in a minor accidental situation like this, here's how to fix the problem before anyone else has to know how much of a lush you are or begin to compare you to Rihanna circa Chris Brown 2008.
Check it...

1. Ice baby, ice.
2. Keep elevated.

Duh. What else?
Load up on Vitamin C - which is the number one vitamin capable of producing the collagen that was just broken down in your blood vessels. Super important! Oranges, cauliflower, kale, lemon, chili peppers, kiwis, and guava are all high sources of Vitamin C.
Bromelain it out - this enzyme is key to healing your black eye and keeps the swelling down. Many plastic surgeons recommend taking a bromelain supplement after surgery (in particular, face lift) as a quick anti-inflammatory. You can find bromelain in papaya and pineapple. As delicious as they are to eat, you may also go the calorie free route and apply their pulp directly to the swelled area. Gnarly.
Get earthy with Arnica - an amazing herb that can be used to cure bruises, sprains, strains, inflammation and muscle soreness. Not only is Arnica a great anti-inflammatory herb, but it also works by stimulating white blood cells that fight infections and help to eliminate foreign bodies from the system (including congested blood and fluid causing inflammation). You can make your own Arnica oil by adding one part dried herb with five parts any plant oil, or just book it to any natural grocery store.
Coven that Witch Hazel - which not only reduces inflammation and reduces pain by tightening the veins, but also refreshes your tired eyes. Mix 10 drops of Witch Hazel with 100 ml of water, soak a cotton ball or pad in the solution, and apply this solution to your black eye. Leave on for about 5 minutes and then wash off with water. Do this a couple times a day.
Get cozy with Comfrey Root - an herb extract containing small organic molecule allantoin, which is used by herbalists to stimulate cell growth and repair skin while reducing inflammation. Best mixed with water and turned into a paste, Comfrey Root can be applied directly to the skin in need of repair and washed off after about 5 minutes. Comfrey Root can also be beneficial soaked up with a cloth and used as a compress, but do not use this root on your skin more than once a day, overexposure can be toxic for your skin.