Well-behaved boys.

A few weeks ago, the boys and I were at a fast food joint for lunch. The place was packed, there were kids all over the place, bouncing off the walls, and I was trying to maintain my sanity long enough to get in, get us all fed, and get back out. After standing in line, ordering our food, and getting our trays with two very anxious little boys, we found a table next to the window that overlooked in the indoor playground. The rule in our family is that they boys must eat their food first, and then they’re allowed 15 minutes to play.

So the Mouse and the Froggy sat down to eat their nuggets and drink their milk. They watched through the window at the kids racing around on the jungle gym and slides. They opened their kids’ meal toys, wiped their greasy fingers on their jeans, and finally were allowed to go into the play area for their chance to run around a little bit, before we left to get the Saturday errands done. I sat at the table to finish my food, played on my phone, and people watched.

Across the aisle from me was a group of 5 – a mom, and 4 boys. None of the boys looked anything alike, so I assumed mom was out with her kid(s) and some of their friends. The kids all looked to be around the 10 year old age. They all filed in, took their places, sat down, and ate. They laughed and joked, but behaved well, and ate their food.

A few moments later, an older woman who was on her way out with a try of her trash stopped, tapped the mother on the shoulder and said, ‘I’m sorry, I just wanted to stop and tell you how pleased I was to sit next to you and your boys. They’re so well behaved for such a large group of boys. I never see boys sit so nicely, and talk so quietly. It certainly does a credit to your skills as a mother to have boys that are so well behaved.’

Hand to God, she said the word ‘boys’ that many times.

It ticked me off, I’m not going to lie. Yes, I’m ‘that’ person … I’m now blogging about being pissed off about a seemingly nice older woman, stopping to pay a mom a compliment. I know, I suck.

But here’s the thing, if this mom had a table full of girls, would this conversation have taken place? Why are nicely behaved boys cause for such praise and fanfare? Look, I’m all for complimenting kids on their good behavior, really, I am. I find that positive reinforcement almost always works better in my household than negative … but the idea that these boys deserved extra stars for sitting at a table and talking nicely like human beings should when they’re out in public is just really, really upsetting to me. I’ve blogged about the whole ‘boys will be boys‘ thing, and it pisses me off. Boys are NOT less accountable for their actions just because they have a penis. That ‘Y’ chromosome does not a free pass give. Boys and girls should be held to the same standards, and awarded the same compliments for their actions.

As a self-proclaimed ‘BoyMom’ … I get it – boys can sometimes be weird. They like sticks, and they think noises caused by bodily functions are the funniest form of entertainment. They think wrestling should be a subject taught in school and practiced anywhere there’s more than 3 feet of extra rolling space available. All of that is cute, but when it comes down to it? My boys don’t get a free pass to act like assholes just because ‘that’s how little boys are’. Nope. And on that same page, they don’t get soft serve just because they sat in a fast food booth like human beings and ate all their nuggets.

I really, really wanted to say something to that mom on the way out like, ‘congratulations on your kids acting like normal members of society’ on our way out. But obviously, I didn’t. I’m sure she was quite pleased by the compliment from the older woman. And really, who can blame her? All of us moms want to be told from time to time that we’re doing a good job – that ‘Hey! Based on your kid’s actions, there’s a great chance they won’t grow up to be a serial killer!’ (hell, I WISH someone would stop me in the mall and tell me that).

I just wish we could leave gender out of it.