Really Massive Towels
We tried to make them fly, like Magic Flying Towels, but they wouldn’t. I think these towels might be broken?
All my life, ever since reading the Hitch-Hikers Guide to The Galaxy, I have been searching for the perfect towel. Here’s what the Guide says about towels and why they are so important:
“A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you – daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
But now…….I am now a woman ‘to be reckoned with’ as I am the proud owner of four Really Massive Towels. John Lewis kindly sent them to me, what a nice man John is. ’Thank you John!’
In the spirit of Douglas Adams, I decided to see what alternative uses Really Massive Towels have.
The first thing me and the kids decided on was ‘Hide and Seek.’ Can you spot the child under here? Probably not. Towels are great camouflage and should really be used by the military during stealth operations dontcha think? I may write to the government and suggest this.
Don’t stick your hand in there, they bite sometimes.
The second use for Really Massive Towels – they make great dens for small children.
Really Massive Towels are great for playing at Multi-Coloured Spooky Ghosts or Towel Zombies. If there were sound effects on here you’d be listening to ‘Woooo, WOOOOooooOOO!!!!!!!!’
Darlek shelters from the sun under a Really Massive Towel.
And erm…finally, they’re very good for when you get out of the bath and need to get dry. As I’ve said, I’ve spent almost all my life looking for decent towels – I’ve had hand towels, mid-sized bath towels, face towels, dog towels (just for the family dog, not for me), tea-towels, baby towels with hoods, all sorts. None of them are a patch on these.
You have to say this bit out loud in a kind of seductive, half whispery voice like on the Marks and Sparks advert. Are you ready?
‘These aren’t just towels… these are John Lewis, Egyptian Cotton Towels in Copper….Fuschia…..Chilli and …..(long pause for dramatic effect)……… Sage’
They retail for £25 each and are really lush. If you’d like your own set, please click HERE.
I’d like to thank ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’, ‘Marks and Sparks’, ‘Dawn of the Living Towel Zombies’ and ‘Winnie the Pooh’ for inspiration. I’m sure Winnie the Pooh owned a Really Massive Towel at some point. (You see, I’ve been reading Winnie the Pooh recently And He Capitalises Really Strange Phrases, so I’ve just continued with the trend)
John Lewis sent me these Really Massive Towels to review, no other financial reward was offered. This is a sponsored post with lots of Towels in it. I can now face the apocalypse (via zombies or Vogons) with confidence. And yes, before you ask, I know where my towel is…
