I want Bear Grylls to be proud of us and I think we have finally managed it

You know that TV programme on this week with Bear Grylls, where he leaves thirteen chaps on an island by themselves to prove how rugged they are, and one of them gets stung in the face by a jellyfish (?! in the face? How?). Then all the others volunteer to wee on his face to neutralise the venom, and no one’s quite sure whether they’re rugged enough to watch?

Replace the jellyfish with a square mile of stinging nettles, and you basically have our Bank Holiday walk in Sulham Woods this afternoon. I feel like someone should let Bear know, because we were as rugged as it’s possible to be when no one is wearing appropriate footwear and one of us is tangled up in a pink skirt.

We just didn’t expect it to be that wet on a sunny day (amateurs). But it was, so we squelched through bogs and thistle clumps in shorts and ballet pumps, our bare legs exposed to every prickle that passed. Thank goodness Tim remembered, five minutes in, that I still had my mother-in-law’s walking shoes in the boot of my car. They didn’t go especially well with my skirt, but then again neither did the thistles. Tim carried a shrieking Henry for most of it, and there was, regrettably, one moment where Teddy got conked in the face by an unexpected twig. We were like Amazons. Bear Grylls would have squeezed out a tear of manly approbation, watching us.

Once we made it to the less overgrown part of the woods, we realised what the rainwater was doing there: making the greenest trees ever seen. Honestly, I haven’t put any colour filters on these photos at all. It was breathtaking.

This below is the face of someone who has just peed his pants, somewhat regrets it at the moment, and will regret it more soon. QUICK, WHERE ARE THE NETTLE STINGS.

Then we left the woods to walk back over the fields, and that was, well. Look. No nettles at all, and a lot of this.

This is the best (worst) jumping photo that has ever been taken, and I defy you to prove me wrong.

Oh my giddy aunt. HAHAHA. I weep with laughter every time I look.

Henry likes to get up close to the soil. A career in farming, perhaps?

Or maybe he could be the next Bear Grylls. He’s got the emergency pee supply down already, so it can only go up from here.