How can women help women?

The other day I went to a support group for this difficult patch I’m going through, and it got me thinking.

First, there were only about 10 people there. It was in Sheffield, and the nearest group of its type for probably half of Yorkshire, and I know there are a lot more than a couple of handfuls of women affected by this thing.

Now I know not everyone would want to go. I mean, I’ve been putting it off for about eight months – the meetings just didn’t fall at a convenient time, or when they did I didn’t feel it was something I needed or wanted. I’m not sure what propelled me to go to a pub in Sheffield that Tuesday evening.

But I’m glad I went. It was good to meet and talk to other women who know exactly what you’re going through and how it feels. On the one hand, it made me realise I’m coping and dealing with it well, on the other hand being there lowered my spirits, because a couple of the women there had so much sadness etched on their faces, their spirits largely broken.

The easy thing for most of us to do is just to stay within the boundaries of our own lives: the “we have enough on” response.

But perhaps we should make more effort to meet and share experiences and try to help each other through things? Or not necessarily meet, but just do more to support each other?

I think there are some simple ways we can do this, and do it straight away.

Here are my five ways women can support other women better – starting today.

1. Give our looks a break. Refuse to buy magazines and don’t go on internet news sites that obsess about women’s bodies, whether they’ve put on a pound or two, have cellulite, are “struggling to shift the baby weight” or dared to leave the house without make-up.

Instead, give your attention to news about what women are achieving in business and public life, not what they wore to work.

Compliment one another, instead of bitching, and keep telling and showing our daughters, nieces and goddaughters that it’s more important to be kind and clever than to be pretty.

/ woodblock poster by Anthony Burrill /

2. Show weakness. None of us is superwoman so why try to pretend we are? We must have a good job, house all spick and span, healthy body, full social diary, solid marriage, family and friendships, happy and positive outlook, the latest fashions hanging in our wardrobes… Most of us would be happy if we had just three of the above at any one time, but the standard we seem to set ourselves is that we have to have it all, all of the time. If one thing drops, we’ve failed.

Because my best friends seem to have immaculate houses, I feel pressure to scrub mine before they come round when usually it has more of a building site lived-in look. They’re my best friends, and I know they don’t really care how I live, so why do I do it?

We all tend to make out to most people we have it all together. Putting on a front can be exhausting, and there are better ways to expend your energy. Being open that not everything is perfect helps others feel they can admit it too, so it lightens both loads.

3. Time is free.

There seems to be pressure to have and present a hectic, non-stop lifestyle. If I’m asked the question, ‘what are your plans for the weekend?’ or ‘did you have a good one?’ I feel a lot more comfortable if I’m able to say I have this party or I went to that event, rather than – as often happens – I’m planning a weekend of blogging, crafting, catching up on telly and cleaning. Why should that feel inferior if it’s equally (and sometimes more!) enjoyable than socialising?

Perhaps it’s the advent of social media. The new pre-weekend panic: what will my Facebook ‘friends’ and Instagram followers think if I don’t share a snap of a fancy meal or check in at some exotic location?

Let’s just be more honest. If we haven’t got much on, let’s say so and not feel ashamed of it. Some time and space to yourself is important for wellbeing. And perhaps as important, donate your time when you can: own up to being free to someone you think might need you.

4. Help others. If we have success, let’s help other women follow in our footsteps. Through blogging, I’ve met and featured some amazing women, entrepreneurs all of them. I link to other bloggers who I love and think are doing a great job as often as I can, and I’m going to carry on doing that. I’ve also featured lots of brilliant Yorkshire businesswomen who are making and selling fantastic things – but I think I can do more of this.

5. Know your politics. I always vote, but I know from talking to a lot of my friends that they find it difficult (unnecessary?) to get into politics and understand who they should vote for.

Each individual has their reasons for putting their cross where they do, and far be it from me to tell you how to make your choice. But I’ve never really decided on the party to vote for based on what they can do for me, more who I think is most likely to create the kind of society I want to live in. I want to live in a society where women have an equal chance to succeed. So, for example, voting for UKIP, who want to get rid of maternity leave and think bosses who take on women of child-bearing age should have their “head examined”, would be a bad move for womankind. As most of us already know, thankfully. There’s a general election in a few months, so let’s encourage all women to start to get to know what the parties stand for and all use our vote next May.

How do you think women could support each other better?