Chapter 4 – It didn’t work out

**If you want to catch up on our story, here’s chapter one, chapter two, and chapter three. I’m just gonna write until I finish the story! I hope you enjoy!**

As the school year started things were going pretty good. Even after a summer spent barely talking at all, we were still hanging out still “kickin’ it” and everything seemed fine. It was annoying that he didn’t want to make any commitments to me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to step away from him. It would have been in my best interest, to just leave this boy alone. Not because he was bad, that wasn’t the case at all. He was actually a pretty decent dude. It was because it wasn’t right for us then. Even though now, looking back, I know we had to go through what we went through to be where we are today. If I would have only known that then.

Remember how I said I was really independent and boys never got to me and blah blah blah? Ya, well, that all went out the window with this boy. Usually if I was hanging with a boy and he didn’t commit I’d either 1.) make him commit (yes, not the best option, but remember – stupid freshmen or err… sophomore – the stupidity continued throughout college…) or 2.) leave or 3.) just hang and be fine with it while I was “kickin’ it” with other guys too.

**By ‘kickin’ it’ – by the way, I don’t mean sleeping around. I was a rather innocent girl in my college days and at this point that wasn’t something you did outside of marriage. Just to be clear! **

Well, for some reason I couldn’t make him commit – heck I couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, I couldn’t bring myself to leave, and I wasn’t fine just “kickin’ it.”

So we went on like this because apparently neither of us had the actual strength to walk away. Although we did have good times, I was more than unpleasant a lot of times. I was not used to not getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I was not used to a guy not doing whatever I asked of him. It made me mad. What the heck was his deal? I was a good catch, dang it! And he was gonna hear about it.

And hear about it he did. So much so that I started to get a tad bit annoying. (That *might* be an understatement.) He started to pull away. He wouldn’t ask me to hang as much. He was still at my matches, but not as into the matches. He didn’t linger as long afterward.

Little did I know at this time there were a lot of other things brewing behind the scenes that added to my nagging. His coach did not like me. I can’t imagine why. Oh wait – that’s a lie, I know exactly why. Remember that guy I dated for about a week freshman year? Ya well, a lot of things got attached to my name through him. That and the fact that I was white.

During this time, actually during our whole college career, this man was out to get me. He was out to get us. He did not want to see this good black man waisted on an unappreciative white girl and what he did worked. During the end of freshman year into sophomore year he was all up in Delivery Man’s ear telling him bad things about me. Some things might have been true, but the majority of them were not. I don’t know where he heard them from or he just wanted to make them up so Delivery Man wouldn’t date me, whatever it was, it worked.

Delivery Man was under a lot of pressure. He was expected to do certain things on the basketball court and if he didn’t perform, his whole college career would be in jeopardy. The pressure of basketball mounted together with the added pressure of being involved with me he decided to step away. That’s when he stopped calling and wanting to hang out. He started doing other things I wasn’t involved in. I noticed, but tried to hold on. I had no idea, at this point, about the behind the scenes with the coach.

One night me and my friends were going out to see a movie and I decided to ask him. He was hesitant, made a couple lame excuses and I wasn’t having it.

“Oh come on! I’ll pay, no big deal, just come!”

I guess the free movie was enough to get him moving, he decided to come. I waited outside his dorm and as I watched him come out, I could see that he was with another girl. They didn’t seem to be too friendly, but ummm okay. He trotted down the steps and got in the car. The movie was uneventful except for him seeming a little distant. Me and Lauren suggested doing something after the movie but he didn’t want to. He just wanted to go back.

Um.. okay. I was a little offended but I couldn’t really force him to do anything. Trust me, I had tried. I dropped him off at the dorm and watched him go inside. I lingered for a moment with Lauren, like total creeper status. He walked right in, went to the dorm phone, made a call and not 2 minutes later that same girl came down.

WHAT??

Oh no he didn’t. He did not just go out with me to see a movie I PAID FOR to just leave me and go hang out WITH HER! Whoever she was. WOW.

That was it for me. I might have been attached, but I had some pride. He didn’t want to be with me, I sure as heck didn’t want to be with him. I was gonna let this one go.

And let it go I did. From the outside that is. On the inside it ate at me every time I saw him. We went to a small private school, mind you, so this was actually quite a bit. In the cafeteria with his team or with her. In the gym, in passing between practices. The weight room, the treatment room, even in some classes. It seemed like he was everywhere.

That girl. She was with him most of the time. I found out that he wasn’t with her when I saw them together in the dorm. However they did get together later. That was another knife in the heart – every time I saw her with him it reminded me that somehow I wasn’t good enough. For whatever reason, I didn’t make the cut. Too pushy? Not pretty enough? Not cool enough? I really had no idea and he had no plans of enlightening me.

**************

You guys, even as I write this, 13 years later, my heart still aches thinking about it. After reading that my husband replied by throwing his head back and saying “Come on, 13 years and all we’ve bent through together and you still “ache about it?” Let it go woman!” And that, my friends, is my husband.

Come back next Thursday for Chapter 5!

Author information

Natalia Owner & Author
Natalia is a mom to two crazy boys and wife to one handsome dude. She lives in France part of the year where her husband plays professional basketball, but she hails from Southern California. The hubs was born & raised in Nassau, Bahamas, which makes them an intercultural, interracial family traveling the globe together since 2007. She loves to cook (but mostly eat), hang with her fam, be adventurous, & find ways to stay girlie in a house full of men. On her site you can find loads of hair tutorials, makeup ideas, & fashion tips for the everyday woman. She believes that beauty and fashion don't have to be intimidating and that every woman should learn to embrace her own beauty. TwitterFacebookGoogle LinkedIn

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